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Apropos of nothing...

"Have fun storming the database!"
"Think it'll return any rows?"
"It would take a miracle."

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Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
the_xtina
Oct. 20th, 2008 09:34 pm (UTC)
And you would have spluttered Coke everywhere, if it weren't for those meddling triggers!
zaiah
Oct. 20th, 2008 09:45 pm (UTC)
Mebbe if it had a thin layer of dark chocolate to help is slide in easier.. ooooh wait.. now THERE'S an idea! *cackles*
kjpepper
Oct. 20th, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC)
I loled.
tikvah
Oct. 20th, 2008 10:51 pm (UTC)
*sporfle*
slutbamwalla
Oct. 20th, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
Oh, man, now my head is just buzzing with different lines.

"I am the Dread DBA Roberts! There will be no backups!"

"You are using binary search against me!"
"I thought it fitting, considering the distribution of data."

"There's a shortage of perfect apps in this world. 'Twould be a pity to decompile yours."

And so on...
springdew
Oct. 21st, 2008 01:29 am (UTC)
Bwaaahahahaha! Loves you guys.
tikvah
Oct. 21st, 2008 01:51 am (UTC)
I am so glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that.

You are a data geek deity.
sterno
Oct. 20th, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC)
As you select? :)
james_the_evil1
Oct. 21st, 2008 12:42 am (UTC)
"Hello, my name is Franklin Veaux. You compiled my data, prepare to output."
kit_kallisti
Oct. 21st, 2008 01:33 am (UTC)
Stop that query. I mean it!

Anybody want a peanut?
mr_z
Oct. 21st, 2008 02:16 am (UTC)
"Wait 15ms for full potency"


"First things first. To the death!"

"No. To the pain."

"I don't think I'm quite familiar with that protocol."

"I'll explain and I'll use a simplified schema so that you'll be sure to understand, you underpowered, 8-bit glorified calculator."

"That may be the first time in my life a user has dared insult me."

"It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your swap beyond the 1GB mark. Then your flow control. Next your NFS."

"And then my serial console I suppose, I 'kill -9'ed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."

"I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left display followed by your right."

"And then my network interface, I understand let's get on with it."

"WRONG. Your network interface you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every host at seeing your hideously malformed packets will be yours to cherish. Every server that weeps at your SYN, every router who cries out, "Dear God! What is that traffic," will echo in your perfect network interface. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, thrashing swap in freakish misery forever."

"I think you're bluffing."

"It's possible, WebTV, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you crash-ridden, bug-infested mess, that I'm only lying here because I lack the bandwidth to DoS you. But, then again... perhaps I have the bandwidth after all."

[slowly types and has his bots ping the host directly]

"DROP. YOUR. LINK."

[he sends a RST for all of his connections, and then his link drops off the net]



Edited at 2008-10-21 02:23 am (UTC)
tacit
Oct. 21st, 2008 03:45 am (UTC)
Oh. Dear. GOD. I cannot stop laughing!
skitten
Oct. 21st, 2008 11:09 am (UTC)
*giggle*
*heh* I'm not even very much of a geek & I'm laughing ;)
skitten
Oct. 21st, 2008 11:07 am (UTC)
I dub thee sirgeeksalot ;)
yes I needed a translator (I understood what you were imitating, I know what databases are & I had the able assistance of blaisepascal- He tells me that the combination is what makes it funny).... oh if only I drank coffee *rubs sandman dust from my eyes....*
the_failed_poet
Oct. 21st, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
Mein gott, you people are thoroughly mad!

I love it. I only wish I had enough computer knowledge to come up with some of my own. *weeps with laughter*
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )