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Things and Stuff

First of all: My primary girlfriend has decided to start her own LiveJournal, so a big welcome to feorlen!

A number of friends and I have already purchased advanced tickets to the Wednesday screening of The Fellowship of the Ring. I can't wait.

Spent most of the evening last night having a highly philosophical discussion with my wife and my primary girlfriend about the nature of love. We were up until after two o'clock in the morning, and I've been moving through a sleepy haze all day today. I believe...well, I believe many things about the nature of love,and some of those things are completely counterintuitive. Perhaps that will be the subject of a different posting later.

Friday night I set aside several hours for L., who had wanted to arrange an "online date" of sorts, which soon turned to the phone. I was very, very, very evil, and introduced her to the concept of the "zip strip."

In case you're not familiar with zip strips, they're made by taking a number of clothespins (say, twelve or so) and tying them together in aline with a piece of twine, so that each clothespin is several inches from the one after it. The clothespins are clamped onto one's body in a line, see, along certain key places--for example, in a line starting from the inner thigh just above the knee up along the thigh, up the belly, under the breast, and finally to the nipple. At the appropriate time, you pull the string, and the clothespins go flying off--pop! pop! pop!

It's very...er, intense. Who says you can't touch someone directly over the phone? :)

Don't know yet where the thing with L. is going. You'd think I would have my hands full already, and i've never before attempted anything like a long-distance relationship, or at least anything that's started that way; feorlen lives in Atlanta now, but she was local when we first started dating.

And yet...and yet...

I dunno.


Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
alby
Dec. 17th, 2001 06:00 pm (UTC)
Spent most of the evening last night having a highly philosophical discussion with my wife and my primary girlfriend about the nature of love. We were up until after two o'clock in the morning, and I've been moving through a sleepy haze all day today

Isn't this, talking up to 2 am about love, love in itself? One of those questions where the answer is in the question? That's one of the best reasons to be in a sleepy haze the morning after.


In case you're not familiar with zip strips...

OUCH!! OUCH!! How much fun! OUCH! OUCH!
scarlete
Dec. 17th, 2001 10:21 pm (UTC)
Grin.. I like your posing man icons.. I think "on hips" is my fav.. (: It is *so* you!
tacit
Dec. 18th, 2001 10:30 am (UTC)
Why, thank you! I think...
feorlen
Dec. 20th, 2001 04:11 pm (UTC)
See, you found a use for it after all. So how are you doing those, you have a digital camera at the office?
tacit
Dec. 23rd, 2001 01:16 pm (UTC)
"So how are you doing those, you have a digital camera at the office?"

No. I set the poser figure up on a pedestal, light it, photograph it conventionally, scan the photograph, knock out the background, reduce the image in size, crop it, and upload it.

Digital camera? We don't need no steenking digital camera!
melanie
Dec. 18th, 2001 05:16 am (UTC)
and the clothespins go flying off--pop! pop! pop!

::cringe:: See? See?!?! That's what I'm trying to get past, right there. I'd come up fighting, the way my reflexes are wired right now. I feel like there's a thick glass wall - I can vaguely see through to the other side, but I'm going to have to somehow break through it to really get the picture.

Much "work" to do, I suppose. Knowing where to even start would be nice.
tacit
Dec. 18th, 2001 10:32 am (UTC)
"See? See?!?! That's what I'm trying to get past, right there. I'd come up fighting, the way my reflexes are wired right now."

Don't feel alone in that...this particular sort of thing is very, very intense, and it's not for everybody. Even among people heavily involved in BDSM, this sort of thing is not universally practiced. It requires someone who really likes pain, and such a person is a rare bird indeed.
melanie
Dec. 28th, 2001 07:49 am (UTC)
I think I'd be worried about *losing* parts I'd rather keep, in the instance of clothespins at least. :-) I think you're right in that I probably have the instinct for domination somewhere within me...my desire to understand bdsm speaks somewhat; also the experimenting I've done with DH shows that I can break through my fight/flight barrier in at least *a few* optimal circumstances. (Not to mention the rush I get from competent use of a billy club and the swift, efficient application of handcuffs. Strangely enough, my SO wants nothing to do with any form of physical aggression when we're together. He won't even thumb-wrestle. Perhaps when you're being an authority figure all day at work you don't want to do it in your offtime, too.) I guess I've spent such a large portion of my life fighting against those who would be predators toward me, who would treat me as helpless and weak, who look at the blonde hair and the tits and perceive me as a toy at their disposal, that now it seems like the ultimate paradox to *allow* someone to dominate me - my intellectual mind fights it with vigor. But again, that's missing the point, isn't it. That's taking a surface view of the entire situation - that's a mental reflex that I need to retrain in order to get the right perspective on this.

I'm getting there, I think. Tacit, you've been a fantastic help to me so far with your articulate, patient responses. I do appreciate the time you've put in for me. (DH appreciates it, too. ;-)
tacit
Dec. 30th, 2001 06:00 pm (UTC)
Part I
"I think I'd be worried about *losing* parts I'd rather keep, in the instance of clothespins at least. :-)"

Naah, the clothespins don't take any bits with them; it just FEELS like they do. :) And you get this lovely line of bruises...

But perhaps we shouldn't talk about that. *Ahem!*

"I think you're right in that I probably have the instinct for domination somewhere within me...my desire to understand bdsm speaks somewhat; also the experimenting I've done with DH shows that I can break through my fight/flight barrier in at least *a few* optimal circumstances."

That's really what it's all about. Exploring the dynamics of your sexual relationship in a way that's fun and non-threatening. It's all about the right circumsance and the right person, or people.

And it doesn't necessarily have to be dark, or explore sadismand masochism. BDSM can, as counterintuitive as it seems, be very light and playful. Sensation play is just as much a part of it as are domination or S&M. I know people who are highly into psychological D/s but don't do pain play, I know people who are sadists or masochists but who don't do bondage... You can take from it what suits your needs, and leave the rest.

"Not to mention the rush I get from competent use of a billy club and the swift, efficient application of handcuffs."

Yeah, that's pretty telling, huh? :)

Now take that rush, and multiply it by a hundred, and...

"Strangely enough, my SO wants nothing to do with any form of physical aggression when we're together. He won't even thumb-wrestle. Perhaps when you're being an authority figure all day at work you don't want to do it in your offtime, too."

Not surprising. often, people who are in positions of dominance and authority in their daily lives are submissive in their personal lives, and vice-versa. The meek, helpful, mousy secretary who by night is a controlling, powerful dominatrix is something of a cliche, but it's a cliche because there's some truth to the image.

Dominance and submissiveness don't necessarily have to imply aggressiveness. They can take forms that are very subtle indeed. My own personal prefernce is toward aggressiveness; I tend to be quite aggressive in bed,a nd I like a lover who is also quite aggressive in bed, and I like resistance play and similar forms of aggressive play; but that does not necessarily have to follow from D/s.

(Goddamn LJ message-length limit! Second part below.)
tacit
Dec. 30th, 2001 06:00 pm (UTC)
Part II
"I guess I've spent such a large portion of my life fighting against those who would be predators toward me, who would treat me as helpless and weak, who look at the blonde hair and the tits and perceive me as a toy at their disposal, that now it seems like the ultimate paradox to *allow* someone to dominate me - my intellectual mind fights it with vigor."

That's understandable. Seen from a distance, some aspects of D/s do superficially resemble some of the behaviors of predators and abusers.

The distinction, though, is that the D/s relationship is driven in large part by the needs of the submissive, not the needs of the dominant. The submissive sets the limits, and often the overall psychological tone, of the exchange. The submissive is exploring his or her own needs and psychology just as much as is the dominant. Abuse is a one-way street; D/s is not.

And, like I said, it doesn't have to involve pain play or anything of that sort at all.

"But again, that's missing the point, isn't it. That's taking a surface view of the entire situation - that's a mental reflex that I need to retrain in order to get the right perspective on this."

Just so. The behaviors look so similar, on a superficial level, to some of the things you might see in an abusive relationship that if you'rte predisposed to see abuse, it can be difficult to get past that.

But, as with anything else, you learn by doing. BDSM can be surprisingly sensual and erotic; it's not merely about whips and chains. And, paradoxically, surrendering to another person can be exhilirating and empowering all at once.

BDSM is all about self-exploration, not about whips and chains. As my friend [Unknown LJ tag] said: "The question is not 'How do we tie the knots?' The question is, 'What can we be while we tie the knots?'"

"I'm getting there, I think. Tacit, you've been a fantastic help to me so far with your articulate, patient responses. I do appreciate the time you've put in for me. (DH appreciates it, too. ;-)"

Hey, no problem! This isn't a one-way street, either; talking about things like BDSM with people who don't have the same view of it that I do helps me to understand my own conception better.
melanie
Jan. 1st, 2002 03:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Part II
Thanks so much for taking the time for such an excellent response. I'm keeping a copy in my email for future ruminations. :-)
msmarlamae
Dec. 18th, 2001 07:38 am (UTC)
Zippers!
Mmmmm.. marla likes zippers.

mmmmm.. marla likes zippers on her pink parts.

mmmmm.. marla needs to stop thinking about zippers.

~evil wiggle~
tacit
Dec. 18th, 2001 10:33 am (UTC)
Re: Zippers!
"mmmmm.. marla needs to stop thinking about zippers."

;)
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