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With a nod to chipuni for the heads-up, Nabisco has introduced a new print advertising campaign for Ritz crackers. their tag line--are you ready for this? is:

You are what you top.


I. Shit. You. Not.

This can not POSSIBLY be an accident; I think there's someone at work in the advertising agency who's in the D/s community and is having a bit of a joke at Nabisco's expense.




S and her boyfriend M were over last night, for some movie watching and out-hanging. "Escape from New York" and the new "Harry Potter" movie were on the evening's playlist. I haven't seen Escape from New York since the 1980s. Time has changed my opinion of the movie; I liked it when I first saw it, and I realize that it's a classic and all, but:

- It's the perfect trifecta. Bad script, bad acting, bad direction.

- Adrienne Barbeau used to be a real hottie. Pity about the hair, though.

- On no account whatsoever should John Carpenter ever be permitted to write the score for a movie, or in fact allowed near a recording studio for any purpose at all.

- In the future, land mines will become so weak that if a car runs over one, there will be a puff of white smoke and the car will rock a little, but that's about it. It will require hitting four or five land mines to disable a moving vehicle. Given how ineffective land mines will become, any future law enforcement agencies considering turning Manhatten into a prison will be well-advised to simply destroy the bridges into and out of the city, rather than planting mines on them.

- Insane subway dwellers, like aliens, are fond of coming up through the floor, but don't seem to know about doors.

- Former Special Forces operatives, when attempting to hide, tend to seek out street lights and other well-illuminated places. Strangely, though, the bad guys still seem to have difficulty seeing them. There's a lesson in here, folks. The next time you need to conceal yourself from a street full of crazed psychopathic killers, hide beneath the closest steet light!

- In the future, homicidal street gangs won't know about tires. When attempting to disable a moving car, they'll hit the sides of the car with clubs and fire burning arrows into the doors, but will leave the tires untouched. This makes escaping them much easier. Homicidal street gangs should be prevented from obtaining Chilton's manuals or other documentation about the basic operational theory of the automobile, because if they learn about tires, it's curtains for the good guy.


The more recent Harry Potter was okay; it had some significant pacing errors and a few continuity glitches, and Gary Oldman was totally wasted in his role, but other than that, it was about what I'd expected. Interesting to see that prejudice and bigotry are still universal constants of the human condition regardless of who you are; even wizards have their little bigotries. In magical orders, you can be just about anyone, up to and including a dangerously deranged madman, and still get a job at Hogwart's, but werewolves need not apply.


Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
neuroptik
Jan. 5th, 2005 06:00 pm (UTC)
Slogan of the major Boston area bagle chain, where I get my coffee each morning: "The One to Top."

Puts a little knowing smile on my face each morning.
progress
Jan. 5th, 2005 06:31 pm (UTC)
I am absolutely cracking up (here in my crystal reports training class) about your take on escape from NY. That's hilarious. I love that movie, but I absolutely agree with everything you said... I love the camp value, though.

as far as the ritz thing-- can you explain that a little better for the high-functioning vanilla members of your f-list so we can laugh too? (seriously, I'll understand if you explain, I promise.)

But seriously, if John Carpenter ever touches a guitar within my sight, I will riddle him with airsoft BBs.
tacit
Jan. 23rd, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC)
In the BDSM community, "top" and "bottom" are used in a similar context to "dominant" and "submissive" (there's a bit of a difference; topping and bottoming refer to activities where there's not necessarily an exchange of power, such as spanking or other forms of pain/sensation play). "Top" and "bottom" in this context are used as verbs ("I will top someone at a party, but only if I know that person"), so to "top" something loosely means to dominate it or to administer some kind of activity to it. "You are what you top" means, basically, "you are what you spank."

Which means that when you think about it, we really ARE monkeys after all!
serolynne
Jan. 5th, 2005 06:50 pm (UTC)
You are what you top.

This makes far more sense in a BDSM context than a Ritz context. Am I to deduce that I'm a Ritz cracker or something? That doesn't sound all that appealing. I mean, I'm flakey at times and all.. but a cracker? That has all sorts of deragatory connotations, including cultural slurs.

Yup, I think someone snuck something past the higher ups at Nabisco.
nesteddoll
Jan. 5th, 2005 06:55 pm (UTC)
Right.. it took me a couple minutes to figure it out (which is *bad* for a slogan). And the payoff is that if I put things on top of a ritz cracker, then that means I am a ritz cracker. I think I'll steer clear, thanky.
jenx
Jan. 5th, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
In magical orders, you can be just about anyone, up to and including a dangerously deranged madman, and still get a job at Hogwart's, but werewolves need not apply.

Much like the US Presidency, sadly . . .
dilletante
Jan. 5th, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
werewolves need not apply?
jenx
Jan. 5th, 2005 09:15 pm (UTC)
Exactly. Discrimation, plain and simple. Dangerously deranged madmen are a shoo-in, but lycanthropy is an instant disqualifier.
dilletante
Jan. 5th, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC)
it's a sad world.
jenx
Jan. 5th, 2005 09:20 pm (UTC)
I weep for our future.
dilletante
Jan. 5th, 2005 09:17 pm (UTC)
On no account whatsoever should John Carpenter ever be permitted to write the score for a movie, or in fact allowed near a recording studio for any purpose at all.

he did ok with "big trouble in little china."
dawnd
Jan. 6th, 2005 08:45 am (UTC)
Keep in mind that Gary Oldman's role will be a continuing one through the series, and it gets more interesting.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )