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Okay. So no real reason to critique Star Wars Episode III; it was exactly what I expected, which is to say clumsy direction, lots of eye-candy special effects, stunningly awful dialog (I actually slid down my seat and covered my face in embarrassment for George Lucas in a few of the scenes), lots of light-saber duels, and lots of screen time for Yoda. Better than the first two; not as good as it could have been. In short--about what everyone else is saying about the movie.

But i didn't come here to talk about Episode III; I came here to talk about the dark secret that lies behind all the Star Wars movies, a dark secret that even George Lucas himself does not know. Once you understand this dark secret, and you re-interpret all six movies in light of it, many things in the movies suddenly make a whole lot more sense.

The dark secret is this:

Yoda is a Dark Sider.

Yes, you read that right. Yoda has given himself to the Dark Side of the Force, and in secret, subtle ways, helps the Sith to the best of his abilities throughout all the movies.

Yes, I know how that sounds. But think about all six movies, and bear with me here:

- Is the Jedi Council really that appallingly stupid and incompetent? I mean, really. C'mon. The Sith Lord is in the same goddamn room as them, and they can't tell! He makes a blindingly direct and obvious play for power, and they can't tell! Either the Jedi Academy requires IQ tests of all its applicants, and rejects anyone with an IQ over 85, or something else is up--namely, the most powerful member of the Council is working to ensure that the rest of hte Council stays in the dark.

- Yoda outclasses Count Dooku sixteen ways from Sunday--a better fighter, more powerful in the Force, and all-around better at everything he does--yet in the second movie, Dooku still somehow manages not only to escape, but to escape with the plans to the Death Star.

- Yoda doesn't really seriously go after Sidius in the third movie. He makes a token show of it, gets the upper hand...and leaves. Not exactly convincing. Not exactly an overwhelming attempt from a person who's just seen his friends murdered and is determined to protect the universe from sliding into the hands of the Sith at all costs. "Okay, tried I did. Leaving now I am. Ruling the universe you are. With how well that works out for you get back to me!"

- For a light-sider, Yoda has a whole lot of knowledge and skill at dealing with that crackly lightning-both dark side energy stuff; more, it seems, than...well, any Jedi, y'know?

- Yoda meets Luke. Yoda trains Luke. Luke takes off to go after Vader. Yoda says "No, wait you must, not ready you are, kick your ass he will...here, help you pack I will! Fun storming the castle you have!" Yoda's goal was to get Luke captured.

- And speaking of getting people captured, great plan for hiding the babies, there, my little green friend. Geez, you sure tucked THEM out of sight! I mean, if Vader ever glommed on to the fact that he had a son running around somehwere, he'd NEVER think to start the search at his own family!

- Knowledge of the Clone Army in Episode II, and indeed knowledge of the entire star system where the clone army was being developed, was mysteriously wiped from the Jedi archives. By an insider. By an influential insider. They never did really address who that insider was, did they? Hmm...who would be in a position to do such a thing? Who indeed.

Seriously. Go back and re-watch the movies with the idea that Yoda is a Dark Sider in mind, and tell me that it doesn't suddenly bring a lot of things into focus.



( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 22nd, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
One post above, I read this.  You should seriously give that a read.
May. 22nd, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
You're brilliant!
May. 23rd, 2005 12:16 am (UTC)

Actually, I've seen this thought before, after a fashion:

In fact, I hint at this several times in my article! Remember when I kept mentioning "Clue Number One" and so on? It all points to a clever possibility. The one possibility that might make sense out of the whole saga!

All evidence points to Yoda as co-villain with the emperor all along -- one lightside of the force lying-pompous-schmuck and one darkside heavybreathing-sadist-schmuck. QuiGon was dimly aware of this problem, which is why he tried bypassing Yoda -- twice! -- and yearned for balance. So did Obiwan. And their student? How esthetic it would be for QuiGon and Obiwan to turn out to have been right and Yoda wrong!

That from David Brin, who wrote an article (linked from that one) a few years ago about The Phantom Menace that raised a lot of hackles -- but made some pretty interesting points.

May. 23rd, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)
i can explain the force lightning thing, Yoda obviously has the force powers of absorbtion and redirection.
I think that at one time Yoda was a sith master, i mean he's 800+ years old, being good that whole time would be impossible. what if he knew what the prophecy was really about and was just working to bring about true balance, somebody has to do it right?
Another theory i thougt of, what if Yoda is really Darth Plagueis, you know the guy that became so powerful and wise( as Yoda is) that he could manipulate life, he could probably change his form if he wanted to. Because in all 6 movies did anyone see any of Yoda's "people"
May. 24th, 2005 08:24 pm (UTC)
Actually, there was another of Yoda's race on the Jedi Council in Episode I. Female, I believe, though it's kinda hard to tell.

BTW, I love discussions like this! I don't agree with Franklin's conclusion, but he does bring up interesting points.

I read once that the entire mess with Anakin, Vader, the Emperor, and the ugly business with the Empire and the deaths of countless billions of innocent people was all just a means by which the Force ridded itself of the self-absorbed and too-structured Jedi. The Old Jedi were incredibly powerful, but had little concern for affairs that didn't directly concern the Force (witness Qui-Gon's casual acceptance of slavery in the outer systems). The Jedi played their little chess game with the Sith while acting as the pawns of a Republic that was only slightly less authoritarian than the Empire which replaced it. After all, thousands of star systems wanted out of the Republic, and the only way they could get it without being dismembered by Jedi was to directly confront the Republic. And the Jedi went along with it.

The Force has its own agenda and goals, and having its advocates meeting in an ivory tower and playing with their little glow sticks didn't coincide with this. The Jedi, of course, need the Force much more than the Force needs the Jedi, so it simply arranged to have them smacked down. Sure, billions would die in the process, but the end result was the New Jedi, led by Luke Skywalker. The New Jedi are but a shadow of the Old Jedi in power, but they have a reality check. They give a damn about the world around them, are genuinely good, and aren't as constrained by tradition and process.
May. 24th, 2005 04:35 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure I agree with you, completely, this whole Galactic Conspiracy Theory.

Something I noticed though...the difference between the training of Luke and Anakin.

Anakin: Lesson 1 - How to sense The Force. Lesson 2 - How to use The Force. Lesson 3 - How to use a Light Saber. Lesson 4 - Becoming a Jedi ... etc etc etc

Luke: Lesson 1 - What is the Dark Side. Lesson 2 - How to recognise the Dark Side. Lesson 3 - How to avoid The Dark Side. Lesson 4 - How to not go to The Dark side ... etc, etc, etc (This followed up with more training with Yoda: Avoid the Dark Side, you must!)

On the balance thing, someone pointed out to me that at the end of Episode III, there was balance, of sorts...two Jedi Masters left, two Sith Lords....

But for those of you who are Monty Python fans.... At the very end of the movie, where (soon to be) Darth Vader is laying on the ground, missing two legs and an arm, did any of you hear the echos of the scene in "Grail" where the Black Knight was shouting "Come back!" at King Arthur?
May. 26th, 2005 07:20 am (UTC)
"But for those of you who are Monty Python fans.... At the very end of the movie, where (soon to be) Darth Vader is laying on the ground, missing two legs and an arm, did any of you hear the echos of the scene in "Grail" where the Black Knight was shouting "Come back!" at King Arthur?"

LOL. That is a funny scene.

Not having watched the other movies in the series, I don't know how this Star Wars connects with the rest. I was dozing during some parts of Episode 3. What the hell is wrong with Yoda and his funny way of talking?


May. 24th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
You will never get laid.
Seriously. You will never get laid.
May. 31st, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
Re: You will never get laid.
You underestimate the power of the sexy side of the Franklin.
Jul. 7th, 2005 07:18 pm (UTC)
Re: You will never get laid.
Are you kidding? Do you know how many hot, sexy, sci-fi, geeky girls there are out there who just love guys like Tacit? I am far more turned on by guys who are sci-fi fans (in particular, ones who analyze them and tear them down and even mock them when appropriate) than guys who prefer simple action movies and other low-brow interests.
May. 30th, 2005 07:45 pm (UTC)
Hmmm. I don't know that I agree with the Yoda-as-Sith-Lord Theory, but it's definately given me something to think about. After watching Episode Three, I kind of saw Yoda as a being who is as much manipulated by prophecy as anyone else. I mean, Anakin was supposed to bring balance to the Force...and he did. By killing all the Jedi except Yoda and Obiwan. It's like somebody else said above: two Jedi to face two Sith lords. Maybe Yoda recognized that and had to walk away until the balance was upset again...just a thought.
May. 31st, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
So, here's my thing.

"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

That's what Obi said in Episode IV. And we all bought it.

But it's so totally not true!

He got a cool special-effectsy ghost body, but all he could do from that point was whisper to Luke enigmatically. LAME! He didn't even get lightning bolts.

He wasn't powerful at all! Yoda suckered him with the coming-back-from-the-dead trick. You can come back from the dead, but you will basically suck.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )