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And from THIS corner of reality...

I belong to an email list. Actually, I belong to several, but one of them is run by a person who, among other things, gives classes. On alien abduction.

Yes, you read that right. He gives classes. On alien abduction.

He gives classes. On alien abduction. You know, as if alien abduction were an actual event that actually occurs. In real life.

He gives classes. On alien abduction. And he offers certification. For those people who, y'know, attend his classes. On alien abduction.


Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization.



( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 2nd, 2005 07:10 pm (UTC)
i've always wanted to abduct an alien. where do i sign up?
Aug. 3rd, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC)
You know, I hear being abducted by aliens is overrated. I mean, sure, there's the anal probing and all, and who doesn't enjoy a good anal probing now and then? But they show up whenever they feel like it, they whisk you off without warning even if you were in the middle of doing something else, and then they never call you. I mean, hell, if thats what you want, you can get it from bar-hopping, and without the weird implants and recurring nightmares later.
Aug. 2nd, 2005 07:20 pm (UTC)
do they tell you how to do it?
how to avoid it?

What the fuck can they certify you for?

Aug. 3rd, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC)
Dunno, but I think anyone who takes the class should be certified...
Aug. 2nd, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC)
Yeah, are they covering how to get oneself abducted, how to avoid it, how to conduct yourself should it happen, or counseling and support for after the fact?

Of course, anything that offers a certification must be legit! Hell, as long as I can show a piece of paper afterward I could take his class and have my former employer pay for it! That's more than a little tempting.
Aug. 2nd, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)
Hey, that could be a useful certification. I wonder what course level jumping up and down and sending love energy into the universe to defend against alien invation is? Cuz I learned that one over the weekend... wonder if I could get advanced placed?
Aug. 3rd, 2005 03:34 pm (UTC)
Once you've gotten to the preventing alien invasion part, I think you're ready to start teaching the course, not taking it. Because, I mean, if you've already moved on to the bit where you use your love energy to stop the aliens, then clearly you don't have to worry about abduction by aliens, right?

You know, I think that's what Constantinople did wrong in 1204. They didn't jump up and down and send out love energy. That's why they were invaded by Venice. Not enough love.
Aug. 3rd, 2005 03:39 pm (UTC)
No enough boobies bouncing up and down. :D
Aug. 5th, 2005 07:02 pm (UTC)
You know, i think I'm going to use that for my explanation of everything from now on. Fall of France in 1932? Not enough boobies bouncing up and down. Cellular degeneration? Not enough boobies bouncing up and down. The reason the Christian Right hates gays? Not enough boobies bouncing up and down. :)
Aug. 2nd, 2005 08:40 pm (UTC)
i bet we are not allowed to sterilize theses people are we?
Aug. 2nd, 2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
You gotta offer a link for this. I must take a class on how to abduct an alien - or get abducted or what have you.

I wanted to give a class on how not to live with your head up your ass, but I couldn't find enough people able to sign without seeing the paper.
Aug. 3rd, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC)

$150/hr for private sessions; no price given for the class (which they've been promoting on the email list lately).
Aug. 3rd, 2005 04:13 pm (UTC)
OMG private sessions?? So you can... what, create a personalize homing-energy-beacon to aliens, specifying how and when you'd like your anal probe?

Aug. 2nd, 2005 10:24 pm (UTC)
Is this a class on *how* to be abducted by an alien?

If you get a certificate, does that mean you're certifiable?
Aug. 3rd, 2005 04:58 am (UTC)
This guy. Does he call himself something impossible to pronounce and claim to be from "France?" Do the certified suddenly dissappear?

If so -- Oh, he's good.
Aug. 3rd, 2005 01:21 pm (UTC)
Can I get a government grant to attend one of these classes?
Aug. 3rd, 2005 03:39 pm (UTC)
Brilliant idea. With enough creative proposal-writing skills, I bet you could. I bet you actually could.
Aug. 3rd, 2005 01:29 pm (UTC)
cost of the class is? ;)
Aug. 3rd, 2005 08:47 pm (UTC)
You know, they're teaching that class so people will know how to keep the aliens at bay.

The fact that you haven't seen any aliens or evidence of aliens is PROOF that those methods REALLY WORK!
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )