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Link o' the Day: "Intelligent Falling"

From an Onion article: Evangelical Scients Refute Gravity with New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."


Hey, it's no less asinine than this ridiculous "Intelligent Design" nonsense.




In other news, it appears that the ceiling in our new apartment is made of concrete. This has posed quite a significant challenge; I haven't been able to set up the computers yet. Bought a special drill bit designed for concrete and a bunch of masonry screws the other day, and spent a good deal of last night standing on a table with concrete dust raining down on me, and I still haven't been able to set up the computers.

This is a serious problem, because I'm having World of Warcraft withdrawal.




In other news, Shelly found my airbrush while we were moving, which means I may need to paint her some time in the near future. :)

And finally, we're desperately trying to pare down our total quantity of Stuff, as we've moved from a three-bedroom to a one-bedroom apartment. Things to be got rid of include about 50 "egg" style vibrators (new, unused, in original packaging) and a stunning number of cobalt-blue coffee mugs. We're considering a Sex Toy and Coffee Mug Giveaway party in the not-too-distant future. Anyone interested?


Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
violet_tigress1
Aug. 17th, 2005 07:02 pm (UTC)

In other news, it appears that the ceiling in our new apartment is made of concrete.


But just tthink of things you can hang once you have the right tools.
tacit
Aug. 18th, 2005 05:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, I've been thinking about it, believe me... :)
datan0de
Aug. 17th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC)
We're considering a Sex Toy and Coffee Mug Giveaway party in the not-too-distant future. Anyone interested?
Are you kidding?!? I'd love an opportunity to stash more ammunition in your home pick up a few new toys! Are the coffee mugs Xero swag?

Love the Onion article. It's so close to reality that I can't decide if it's funny or scary. I'll bet you diamonds to dollars that if that same article was posted in the right venue you'd find a whole bunch of people up in arms against gravitational theory.

By the way, I know that I'm in the right place in the universe when I have friends who have 50 excess egg vibrators laying around. :-)
(Deleted comment)
tacit
Aug. 18th, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC)
Yep, that it does! This apartment is the quietest place I've ever lived, so I shouldn't complain too much.

Still, two hours of backbreaking work last night and I only got one computer set up. *sigh*
(Anonymous)
Aug. 17th, 2005 08:24 pm (UTC)
Party!
Ooh ooh, me me! Love the one you gave me, use it all the time. Wouldn't mind having more, you know, just in case I wear this one out ;-)

~S
slutbamwalla
Aug. 17th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
Won't say no to egg vibrators, if you're offering. Those are my wife's favorite.
datan0de
Aug. 18th, 2005 12:40 pm (UTC)
Really?? I've got an egg vibrator right here that wants to know if you'll send me 50 bucks.

Sorry. Had to go there. ;-)
grey_evil_twin
Aug. 17th, 2005 11:49 pm (UTC)
I understand perfectly about World of Warcraft withdrawal. My stupid ISP had an outage for over 24 hours. I seriously considered installing it on the work computer, or even the girlfriend's computer(hmm, as dangerous actions go, prolly safer on the work computer).

Can you stuff the egg vibrators ino the coffee mugs, perhaps wrapped in a tea towel, and there's your xmas shopping down for the year.
tacit
Aug. 18th, 2005 05:27 pm (UTC)
I'd go insane if my Internet service was down for a day. My office had an outage for about three hours and it was rough. :)

I like the idea about the Christmas shopping, though...
trof2
Aug. 18th, 2005 02:02 am (UTC)
BTW, Kansas City is in Montana, not Kansas, like the article said.
nesteddoll
Aug. 18th, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
Actually there is a kansas city in kansas, but the big one is in missouri
trof2
Aug. 18th, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)
Missouri, Montana, all those middle states are the same... :P
gloriajn
Aug. 18th, 2005 03:57 am (UTC)
Things to be got rid of include about 50 "egg" style vibrators (new, unused, in original packaging)...

If I email you my postal address, would you send one my way, please?
tacit
Aug. 18th, 2005 05:28 pm (UTC)
Sure! Email me at tacitr (at) aol (dot) com.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )