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A perfectly sucktackular day...

In which our hero rants about things aggravating him, which are many, and then bends a meme to his own ends.


Okay, first of all, anyone who reads my journal right now won't be able to see any pictures.

There's a reason for this. The short form of the reason for this is that of the approximately six billion or so human beings on the planet, about five know how to behave with any maturity when things are emotionally stressful.

The long reason for this is that I have (or, technically, HAD) a business Web site, which once upon a time was registered with and hosted by a small local ISP called "Rapid Systems." I used this ISP because it is owned by the brother of an old college friend and business partner of mine, and he and I had been friends for quite a number of years. He registered the domain in his own name, not mine.

Fast-forward to last year. My old college buddy and former partner has a falling-out with me, for two reasons: first, he decides (as is typical, it seems, for many people) that he's going to take sides in my divorce, and second, he owes me money. Has owed me money for a long time. Apparently, he spent the money on something else and doesn't intend ever to pay me back. So he decides to stop speaking to me, and (I'm assuming) his brother does likewise.

I contacted his brother several times to get the domain name transferred to my name; at first, he kept saying "okay, I'll do that," and didn't, then eventually he stopped responding to me at all. So now the domain has expired. I can't renew it because my name isn't on the registration; I can't re-register it because Network Solutions puts a hold on expired domains.

So you won't be seeing any images in my LiveJournal until I get this all straightened out. Sorry. I used to host images on my personal site, but it's been blacklisted by a lot of net blocking software, so until now I had been putting LJ images (save for anything, y'know, sexy) on my business site.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that it's my business site that's all screwed up?




So, the meme part. There's this meme traveling around LiveJournal that tells you to put "[yourname] needs" into Google. Hilarity often ensues.

I did this, and was told by the Great Oracle Google that "Franklin needs a stadium," "Franklin needs a few hot glue guns," and "Franklin needs a good nickname." Not really very interesting.

It gets more fun, though, if you try different variants. Want to see some real hilarity? Try Googling for "[yourname] eats" or "[yourname] hates" instead.

"Franklin eats by gathering five legs in one hand and then pulling the shell away from their still pulsating body." "Franklin eats from blood stained baskets." "Franklin eats all the doritoes, and Alby gets pissed, and decides he's going to invent a bomb to kill frank."

"Franklin hates the whole idea, but when a drunk gives him a silver dollar and gets him to play a slot machine, everything changes." "Franklin hates everyone who can walk, and Winston hates everyone who is sober." "Franklin hates it, but I have to admit, I'm fascinated by it. The amount of snot
that thing can suck down from one nostril is amazing." "Franklin hates war, but it is his life."

Hell, let's keep going, this is fun!

Franklin punches Coach Yesutis and gave him a bloody nose because that was very funny.
Franklin opens the doors of the cabinet and pauses, looking round him suspiciously.
Franklin believes there has been a recent increase in the participation of a younger generation in same-sex activities.
Franklin screams again, praying for Death to come.
Franklin jumps from a helicopter and the bad guys fire machine guns at him.
Franklin tastes like dirt- I don't recommend it.
Franklin has a diverse arsenal.
Franklin wishes to confine the ‘dark vast forest’ of the soul of man in a barbed-wire paddock.
Franklin knows what to expect from his foe, even with the improved war tactics.

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Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
datan0de
Oct. 10th, 2005 12:21 am (UTC)
Franklin knows what to expect from his foe, even with the improved war tactics.
No he doesn't. He won't see this coming...
tacit
Oct. 10th, 2005 05:23 pm (UTC)
Ah, you THINK I won't see that coming, but wait! A clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
datan0de
Oct. 10th, 2005 08:47 pm (UTC)
That's exactly the kind of thinking that I'm talking about! In that scenario, the likely outcome would be contact poison on the outside of the glass (the Man in Black was wearing gauntlets, Vicini was not), phosgene, or sharpshooters.
tacit
Oct. 11th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC)
Phosgene or sharpshotters? BWAH! I say, take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
(Deleted comment)
tacit
Oct. 10th, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC)
So I see! "Janet screams and runs into Rocky's arms," "Janet screams and faints." Who knew? :)

My favorite, though, is "Janet HATES tomatoes and pickles!" Tomatos and pickles seem awfully innocuous to me...
(Anonymous)
Oct. 15th, 2005 12:51 am (UTC)
Apparently I need to do a Level 3 qualification
after completing the Level 2 and The Doctor deduces that I need a huge amount of energy to sustain his temporal breach and sacrificed his own body to act as the lodestone to achieve his moment in eternity. It appears to know me fairly well as Google says I hate having tech problems and phones and burnt cauldrons eventhough always learn a bit by creating one. I have helped shape Syria's foreign policy for two decades and I also open my eyes slightly, glaring at K'ron. If he takes The warning that
is Clear In my eyes he should run.

~S
tacit
Oct. 21st, 2005 04:34 pm (UTC)
"The Doctor deduces that I need a huge amount of energy to sustain his temporal breach and sacrificed his own body to act as the lodestone to achieve his moment in eternity."

Now that sounds pretty kinky to me. You have a safeword, right?
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )