Franklin Veaux (tacit) wrote,
Franklin Veaux

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Whee! Random fun in Franklin's mailbox.

The following is from an email posted to one of the mailing lists I subscribe to (or, more precisely, a mailing list I was subscribed to by the list owners, out of the blue). I swear I'm not making any of this up; you just can't invent comedy this good.


Come... Let Us Love You!! Unconditionally. No matter what. All Day. Overnight. Eternally. We are The God Squad. A Self-Identified, Self-Realized "family" of Transformational Energy Workers, Evolutionary Change Agents and Shamanic Entertainers who have been guided to combine and distill our significant individual backgrounds in a vast assortment of Personal Growth Modalities to offer YOU a Life-Changing Experience of Sustainable Bliss... [...]

Lots & lots of Genuine Caring & Affection! Experience the natural high, total purification and ecstatic peace that arise instantaneously - and can be cultivated to last forever... from total-immersion focused contact with Awakened Mentors who have transcended jealousy, possessiveness, guilt and shame. Our respective paths have brought us together with what we feel is a singularly unique approach to continuous well-being... We understand and rely upon the Supreme Power of Unrestricted Love to relieve, nurture, restore and rejuvenate ourselves and all whom we engage with... Through guided touch, sound, breath, stillness, connection with nature, high-vibration living foods, profound mind-expanding conversation and spontaneous, sensual, innocent childlike play... you will feel more deeply seen, honored, appreciated and accepted for the beauty of Who You Truly Are... than you may ever have before in your life. We invite you to spend a full day (8 hours) - or perhaps a day and a night (22 hours), in our company. Extended - and Corporate Retreats/Workshops/Events are also available. [...]

The God Squad is currently accepting ADVANCE RESERVATIONS for 8-hour and 22-hour Total-Immersion transformation experiences. Suggested Donation up to $2400 (8-hour) $3000 (22 hour)* *(includes up to 2-hours of "diad-time" with Tes AND overnight snuggle privileges with one or more of our practitioners!) tax-deductible -
sliding scale - trade exchange - apprenticeship group rates available [...]

PRIVATE SESSIONS WIT TES NOW AVAILABLE... suggested donation $200 per hour. Satisfaction Guaranteed We
look forward to serving you.

Damn. Just...damn. I don't even know where to begin. Shamantic Entertainers who distill their lives into Personal Growth Modalities...folks, you just can't get enough of that for my entertainment dollar. And for three thousand dollars, you get two hours of "diad time" with Tess, and overnight snuggle privileges! Oh, boy!

Now, let's see. $3,000 for two hours... If I'm doing my math right, that means you're paying $25 a minute for your "diad time," or about forty-one cents a second--and I thought my cell phone plan was expensive. I sure hope that's some quality "diad time" there; at those prices, she better swallow.

Of course, the price goes down by nearly an order of magnitude if you don't want the overnight snuggle privileges; maybe that's a value-added service the rest of the industry should adopt.

Seriously, though, certain corners of the poly community have in the last few years been overrun by this kind of rubbish. It's almost enough to make me look for a different word for what I am, just to keep my distance from the pay-for-play "Shamanic Entertainers" who sell private sessions and snuggle privileges in the name of universal consciousness awakening.
Tags: credulity, high weirdness
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