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It would be funny, if it weren't so sad...

Shelly went to Tallahassee yesterday; she's spending the weekend with her other boyfriend and his wife. So I've been spending the last two days straight playing World of Warcraft nonstop. Shelly gave me a call this afternoon to say hi, and laughed when I told her what I'd been doing.

Her: You need a local girlfriend. One you have a lot of sex with. While I watch.
Me: Okay, you're on.
Her: We need to have rules, though. We need to tell her that she can sodomize you with a strap-on, but no oral sex.
Me: No oral sex? But I like oral sex!
Her: Yeah, but...um, no oral sex because...um, because your cock belongs to me. Or something.
Me: Hey, I've got an idea. Write down every sex act you can think of on a sheet of paper. Then go through the list and roll a six-sided die for each one. If you roll a 1 or a 2, she's forbidden to do it; otherwise, she can.
Her: Hey! We should do that every day.
Me: So the rules change every day and she never feels secure?
Her: Yes! In fact, I think I'll write up a 48-page contract, and you can tell any new girlfriend she has to sign it before she's allowed to date you.

Then it occurred to me that several people on one of the poly mailing lists I subscribe to are essentially doing just that, and they can't figure out why they can't seem to find any new partners.



( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 1st, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC)
Funny how that works, huh?
Sep. 30th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC)
actually it sounds titillating. today anal sex is okay - tomorrow bondage - the sky's the limit. :)
Oct. 1st, 2006 12:16 pm (UTC)
I've seen a game similar to that at the "adult" store....
Sep. 30th, 2006 11:57 pm (UTC)
*gets the dice out*
Oct. 1st, 2006 06:24 pm (UTC)
And what do the dice say is on the agenda for today, sweetie? :P
Oct. 2nd, 2006 01:51 pm (UTC)
Well.. I rolled a 4. What does that mean we get to do today according your rotating wheel-o-fun ? :D
Oct. 2nd, 2006 04:50 pm (UTC)
Hey, that's a good question. Maybe I should write a Perl script on the Web site that has a database of sex acts in it, and have it draw one at random every time you hit the script. Whaddya think?

I already have a script to roll dice:


Got one that flips a coin, too:


Wrote 'em when i was experimenting with generating random numbers in Perl. Now I think I should put 'em to use!
Oct. 2nd, 2006 04:54 pm (UTC)
You should definitely put them to use :D Then you can market it with a 42 page contract as the 'Sure fire way to create drama in your poly relationship'. :D
Oct. 2nd, 2006 08:33 pm (UTC)
I say you cross reference your script and the purity test. ;-)
Oct. 5th, 2006 10:38 pm (UTC)
I like it, I like it...

So when does the game, oops I mean challenge commence???
Oct. 1st, 2006 12:45 am (UTC)

had the various polyfolk here at the castle laughing... till you got to that last paragraph. bleah.

but still. heeheehee.
Oct. 1st, 2006 05:12 am (UTC)
*fall over laughing*

am I a bad person because I still think it's funny, even though it's so sad?
Oct. 1st, 2006 06:26 pm (UTC)
Only if you take your amusement with a nice big slice of Schadenfreude Pie! :)
Oct. 1st, 2006 06:46 am (UTC)
Wait.. you mean you're not serious? (sic)


You and those dice!
Oct. 2nd, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC)
Mmm, dice. :)
Oct. 1st, 2006 07:16 am (UTC)
I think it's funny. Sad for those for whom it is true, but that in a way makes it more funny.
(bad kitty)
Oct. 1st, 2006 12:04 pm (UTC)

But really? The point is I can see nothing wrong about playing WoW for 2 days straight.

Perfectly normal activity.

Oct. 1st, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC)
I'm glad someone sees the value of a little lot of WoW!

And, truth to tell, I've had a blast. Took my 60 warrior out of retirement and ran a whole lot of Blackrock Depth quests that've been sitting in his quest log forever, with a pickup group that was one of the best groups I've ever teamed with. Now I'm ready to start raiding Blackrock Spire!
Oct. 1st, 2006 04:35 pm (UTC)

Have dice, will roll!
Oct. 1st, 2006 05:29 pm (UTC)
i've had that *exact* conversation with my sweetie, too!
Oct. 2nd, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
Nice. This requires more charts and tables.
Oct. 2nd, 2006 06:14 pm (UTC)
I am just a big busybody and wonder if I know the Tallahassee folks.

::thinks about liason contracts:::BOGGLES::
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )