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Many random things, and pickles

First off, I present to you a stuffed animal inspired by my post about conduct in the dungeon, given to me by dayo, who upon reading it went out to Build-A-Bear and created this soft, floppy-eared, leather clad specimen:

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to Bunnykin Spankypants. And yes, dayo is in SO much trouble.

Many cell phones use a predictive text entry system called T9. T9 attempts to make texting faster, by "recognizing" common words as you begin to key them in, and filling out the rest. For example, if you hit 8 4 on your keyboard, the T9 system will recognize that it's more likely you are attempting to type "th" than "vg". T9 uses a dictionary of words, which it consults as you hit letters to try to anticipate what word you're typing. Everyone knows this.

The T9 system built into my Motorola Razr is an adaptive T9 system; if you type a particular word multiple times, it will "remember" that word and rank that word higher in its probability table than other words that begin with the same combinations.

I inherited my Razr from rain_herself. Apparently, she has used it to do text messaging in the past. If I hit the number 5, which corresponds with the letters "j," "k," and "l," the phone's very first guess about what I intend to type is "lust." If I hit the number 2, which can be "a," "b," or "c," the phone immediately guesses "boots!". If I type 66, its first guess is "not here."

Shelly would like to hijack the collected perversion wisdom of my friends list to a devious noble end. Involving pickles. Literally or figuratively; it's up to you.

There is, you see, a past time that has become a fixture at church socials and picnics and other wholesome get-togethers called "pickle spitting." It's exactly what it sounds like: people put wole pickles in their mouths and see who can spit them the farthest.

"Pickle spitting" just sounds obscene. In fact, it really sounds like it should be a euphemism for a deviant sex act. And, sadly, it's not.

That's where you come in.

In a comment to this post, leave a suggestion (or two) for a deviant sex act that you think should be referred to as "pickle spitting." By working together, we can corrupt and pervert this harmless activity, once and for all!



( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 22nd, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC)
Wow. I must say that is the most perverted LJ user pic I've ever seen.
Jun. 22nd, 2007 10:13 pm (UTC)
Maybe deep throat fellatio that's intentionally intense, rough, and gag reflex-inducing?
Jun. 22nd, 2007 10:21 pm (UTC)
Blow job; collecting the resulting fluid in your mouth and seeing how far you can spit it.

Yeah, I'm a little bit literal :-)
Jun. 22nd, 2007 11:28 pm (UTC)
I second the "pickle swallowing" comment.
Yeah, I got nothing besides "blow job."

Well, or manipulating a dildo in someone with one's mouth. Given how much chipped and cracked teeth cost to repair, I wouldn't recommend a hard plastic or metal dildo. Of course, given how much silicone dildo's cost, that might not be much more economical if one bites down in it...
We'd need to develop a hybrid teething ring dildo for safe pickle spitting... and the dildo, of course, should look like a pickle.

Ok, now I'm just over thinking this. :-)
Jun. 22nd, 2007 11:32 pm (UTC)
Using a different definition of the word "spit," how about: play piercing of the penis? Perhaps with fairly large-gauge "spits" (needles)?

Jun. 22nd, 2007 11:39 pm (UTC)
Or how about seeing how far a clenching pussy can "spit" a dildo?
Jun. 22nd, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is good! it makes more sense, linguistically!
Jun. 23rd, 2007 12:31 am (UTC)
How about using a pickle (or similarly shaped object, sanitized of course) in one's mouth to work a pliant hole? Combines the stimulation of both cunni-/annilingus and dildo play. The trick is not to use hands to manipulate* the pickle, just the mouth.

*Actually, "manipulate" in this case would be incorrect. Oralipulate? Mandibulate?
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 23rd, 2007 05:24 pm (UTC)
Re: A little Latin geekery

I've never excelled at spelling. I originally spelled it based on Connie and Anna, the Lingus sisters, with variation.

I actually thought of linguapulate, but thought it too much resembled "lingua franca." It didn't seem right.

After all, we're pushing pickles, not baguettes.
Jun. 23rd, 2007 12:53 am (UTC)
Jun. 23rd, 2007 12:59 am (UTC)
Hehe, adorable! I love Bunnykin Spankypants!
Jun. 23rd, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
I find your userpic delightful and just a wee bit arousing. :-)
Jun. 23rd, 2007 08:32 am (UTC)
My thoughts weren't very original for this crowd.. ;)

A no-hands, silicone dildo held in the mouth, thrusting anally to the pliant (or well-restrained) partner without the use of your own hands except perhaps to hold the hips or spread ass cheeks of the person you are spitting the pickle into.
Jun. 23rd, 2007 03:49 pm (UTC)
Seeing the words "pickle spit" brought to mind an incident that happened to me long ago.

I was receiving a blow job and made the foolish mistake of saying something humorous in the brief span between when I ejaculated and my lady friend swallowed. She started laughing with my penis still in her mouth, spewing an alarming quantity of semen and saliva all over my lower torso. This triggered more laughter, which only made it worse.

I guess in this sense "pickle spit" could either be a noun or a verb.
Jun. 23rd, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
Have you noticed that in T9 "cock" and "anal" are the same? I did. So are "kiss" and "lips", however that's a lot less likely to cause Big Problems Later if there's confusion and insufficient scroll-down.

"But honey, you said you were all about the anal tonight!"

Bunnykins is fantastic.
Jun. 27th, 2007 04:53 am (UTC)
Wow. No, I hadn't noticed that "cock" and "anal" are the same in T9. Wow. I wonder how many nightsthat's ruined, or at least made more surprising...
Jun. 23rd, 2007 05:54 pm (UTC)
Pickle spitting:

a) A sexual act where a man receives oral sex, and right as he's about to orgasm, his partner spits him out so that the combined force of the spitting and ejaculation makes him end up flying back a few feet.

b) A term favored by those who enjoy using saliva as lubricant.
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 26th, 2007 03:07 am (UTC)
Re: *snerk*
:D Thanks and ditto!
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )