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Jesus Christ, Metrosexual!

Sunday, dayo and I staggered out of bed at the ungodly hour of noonish or so, after a rousing and lively Saturday evening that included, among oter things, meeting many cool people and chaining dayo up in a sling. We were awaiting the arrival of cunningminx, who'd promised to be by in about half an hour, so were quite surprised (and scrambling to fix the indecent states our states were in, being indecent and unclothed) when the doorbell rang some five minutes later. "But...but...she promised us half an hour!"

Was it cunningminx? Oh, no. It was a babble of Jehovah's Witlesses, come to preach the good news that a Zombie Messiah had risen from the dead to pardon us from a collective sin visited upon us when a woman made out of a rib was persuaded by a talking snake to eat an apple.

Anyway, they left some literature, which included on its cover this picture of Christ the Messiah:

The first thing I couldn't help but notice is that, my, that Jesus looks awfully Caucasian for a Middle Eastern Jew. cunningminx also observed that he clearly uses Product in his hair, and his beard is remarkably neat for a person living in the desert in a pre-industrial society.

He's got great teeth, too.

I had no idea that Jesus was a metrosexual. The things one can learn from Watchtower publications...why, they're nearly as informative as Chick tracts!



( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 18th, 2007 06:37 pm (UTC)
BWAH! I totally need to Photoshop some earrings in there.
Jul. 18th, 2007 06:29 pm (UTC)
When I was in Utah and went through the Mormon visitor center, I did note with amusement that the Jesus figure in their wall murals was blonde.
Jul. 18th, 2007 06:36 pm (UTC)
My former inlaws, who are extremely devout Catholics, for years had a large ceramic sculpture of the Virgin Mary cradling a newborn Jesus in her arms. Not only was the infant Jesus blonde and blue-eyed, so was Mary...and she had very light skin. There was something vaguely unsettling about how Aryan it all was...
Jul. 18th, 2007 06:37 pm (UTC)
of course Jesus was Metro. He walked around with a posse of TWELVE DOODS alla time. And they NEVER WORE PANTS!
Jul. 18th, 2007 07:33 pm (UTC)
no-one groks "man purse" like the Messiah, yo.
Jul. 18th, 2007 09:40 pm (UTC)
Oh my Rod!!
Yer funny.
Metrosexual Massiah.
Jul. 18th, 2007 10:22 pm (UTC)
He looks American-'caucasian' to me, with a plucked monobrow to boot!
Jul. 18th, 2007 11:50 pm (UTC)
Bushy eyebrows: Check.
Darker-than-Aryan skin: Check
Brown (since I doubt they're black) eyes: Check
Dark (black or brown) hair: Check
Hairy: Check

Looks like any number of Sephardi jews I know/knew back in Israel.

Though I gots nothing on the Product part.
Jul. 19th, 2007 12:08 am (UTC)
I may be completely barking up the wrong tree, as I'll admit I know very little about Jewish history, but aren't Sephardi Jews European rather than Middle Eastern in ethnicity?
Jul. 19th, 2007 03:08 am (UTC)
Sephardi Jews were the ones who immigrated to places like Morocco and Iran starting in the very late 1400s, following their expulsin from Spain and Portugal. "Spharad" (or however you choose to spell it in English) is the Hebrew word for "Spain" even today. I didn't know most of these details til now, but Wiki is always ready to help :)

Ashkenazi Jews, on the other hand, are the ones you're thinking of. Apparently their name originats from "Ashkenaz," the Medieval Hebrew name for "Germany."
Jul. 18th, 2007 11:54 pm (UTC)
I actually have a JW tract around here somewhere in which they explain why Jesus really had short hair & a neatly groomed beard.
It was written to keep their followers from using the "traditional" Christly look to justify looking like "dirty hippies."
Jul. 19th, 2007 08:20 am (UTC)
Haha! Catholic depictions of Jesus (at least in Spain) always make him look like a (yummy) dirty hippie, which is funny because, at least until some years ago, that was very frowned upon for men. Cutthroat competition maybe? You shouldn't look better than Jesus!
Jul. 19th, 2007 03:27 am (UTC)
Dude! Jesus is a hottie! Looks like he uses Crest Whitestrips, too.
Jul. 19th, 2007 03:29 am (UTC)
Oh, and...It's too bad you got all clothed and decent before answering the door. I would have LOVED to see a photo of the JW's faces when you greeted them!
Jul. 19th, 2007 03:38 am (UTC)
jesus with a GQ hair cut
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 21st, 2007 08:02 pm (UTC)
XKCD rocks, and I love those pics!
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )