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There is little better way to begin an evening than at a very nice, if somewhat pricey, restaurant a short walk from dayo's apartment. One very delicious (pasta with mussels1 and clams, yum!) later, we headed back with happy tummies to her place, where some very nice vodka2 awaited.

And then, the kink.

One large roll of pallet wrap, two wicked sharp knives, a box of latex gloves, one small silver bullet vibrator, eight floggers3, and a giant-sized container of KY make for a very lovely evening indeed.

The floggers made the evening's appetizer. "Strip." I pushed her down onto the air mattress and stood behind her. A light, not too thuddy flogger for the opening, followed by two slightly heavier floggers simultaneously for a bit more of a warm-up, then a new, quite heavy flogger she had not yet deflowered for a bit more sensation...

Her backside was still slightly bruised from the previous evening in the dungeon, so it didn't take long to have her squirming.

After the appetizer, the pallet wrap. Pallet wrap is awesome for quick, easy, no-wait bondage; a few turns around her arms and body had her arms firmly bound to her sides. "It feels like being hugged," she said.

One quick push had her flat on her back on the mattress. The interesting thing about having your arms immobilized at your sides is that you can offer very little--for which read "no"--resistance to being manhandled around, and when you're toppled over, you tend to go down quickly. "Whuf!"

I was on top of her in a flash, and entered her roughly. Her hands were free, poking out from under the pallet wrap, but she was quite unable to move aside from that...in effect, allowing her only enough freedom to help me take her, but not enough to resist.

"I'm going to come now." There's something that's just really fun about telling her that while I'm on top of her, pinning her down, looking into her eyes. "Take it!"

There's something even more fun about doing it more than once. Arms wrapped tightly around her, feeling her heat against me, answering the heat inside me...it's intoxicating, and powerful. Three hard orgasms later, and I left her without warning, and watched her squirm on the bed.

"Quit pouting." Pulling on a rubber glove. "You'll get what you want soon enough." Probing with the tip of one finger. "My goodness, you're wet. I bet I could do this without any lube. But--" picking up the tube--"I like you squishy."

My hand went in with no resistance at all. Normally, it takes a bit of work to get it fully inside her. Normally. Not tonight.

"Oh, my god!"

"Yes." Pushing the bullet into her fingers. "Use this."

"You're in deep!"

"No, that's not deep. This--"


"--is deep."

Some time later, when she was limp and sweaty and spent, and I had drawn my hand free and discarded the glove, we lay side by side and I caressed her hair. tongue and fingers running over breasts, through tight plastic. "You'll like this."

The tip of the knife, razor sharp, gliding over the curve of her breast bound and flattened by the pallet wrap.


Some folks like using dull knives for knife play. I do too, sometimes, but for dayoI have a curved, twin-bladed punch dagger sharp enough to slice a hydrogen atom free of an oxygen atom. Her back still carried a hair-fine tracery of faint white lines from the previous evening.

"Oh, that feels good!"

"Does it, now?"

A quick flip of the wrist and the blades sliced under the pallet wrap and out, cutting away a section of plastic film, revealing flesh, the underside of her breast. "And how about this?" Tips tracing along glowing skin, sheened with sweat, feather-light.

"Oh god!"

"Now hold still!" Blade slipping under cling wrap, slicing more free, tickling lightly over sensitized skin, following curves.

It took quite some time to remove the wrap, picking it apart and slicing it away bit by bit, chasing bare flesh with pointed steel.

"Oh! That was fun!"

"Time to put you to bed. And--" grinning "--I'm not finished with you yet."

1 I'm not quite sure what's up with me and mussels. When I was a kid, I had relatives living in Florida and New Jersey, so I was exposed to seafood from an early age. I've always loved things like crab, fish, scallops, and lobster, but for most of my life I've hated hated mussels.

Well, a few years ago, I developed a craving for mussels. Shelly and I went out to dinner, I ordered some, and they were mmm mmm tasty. I've loved them since.

2 One of the things I learned from serolynne is the difference between good vodka and bad vodka. There's a significant distance between the two. Good vodka is one of life's little treats. Bad vodka is like flaming battery acid with a chaser of ground glass.

3 Yes, eight. Why eight, you ask? Well, there's a reason that dedicated perverts usually have large collections of floggers. They come in a startling array of sizes and styles, and each produces a unique sensation. They're like spice to a chef; you can mix and match them to tailor just precisely the sensation you desire.



Nov. 1st, 2008 09:31 am (UTC)

Thank you! For sharing your love and joy so generously... How can you do this?! No, I don't mean the knifes part :-) I mean the confidence. How can you make such gifts so freely? Doesn't it make you vulnerable? Doesn't it creep you out that some 'anonymous' people might read it? What if I'm someone you would really-really dislike -- doesn't it bother you that I read this? And how do you avoid the "what will the coworkers/bosses/family friends think?" trope?

Dude, you're so free. Thank you.

- Ola
Nov. 1st, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
It does kind of creep me out. We've discussed his putting up stuff like this because I'm not *nearly* so public. All of my lj is friends locked, but I figure no one here knows what is fantasy versus not so it's fairly safe.
Nov. 2nd, 2008 11:55 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that! I should've shut up... :-(

If it helps any, I can be less anonymous (http://www.technion.ac.il/~olga/) (and in a couple of weeks I'll have an LJ account and become even less anonymous, and then I'll finally stop lurking around here feeling like a single clothed person on a nudist beach, creeping people out... :-))

Also, I don't know if it helps, but tacit's description of you and your love made me feel like looking at a river on a sunny day -- you know, like the glimmering sunlight on the surface that makes your eyes hurt a bit, filling you with joy that is almost too great to bear... just the intense happiness of being alive, you know?

It's interesting what you said about fantasies. So if it all were tacit's fantasy, you'd be comfortable with him sharing it? Many people would feel the same fear, regardless.
Nov. 2nd, 2008 06:20 pm (UTC)
Oh I'm not worried about any one person in general. It's more than I'm a (generally) more private person in all aspects of my life, so seeing stuff like this is a bit challenging. Not bad, just challenging.

I tend to disagree with Franklin and Joreth on the value of putting everything out for public display. It's the right decision for them, but not necessarily for everyone. I make the choices I do because it allows me to do other things that bring value to my life - for me, being public about sex (other than vicariously through tacit) isn't as high a priority as building my career or being public about being goth.

As far as fantasy goes, yes, I think it makes a difference - not really for any concrete reason other than my brain is wierd:)

Nov. 3rd, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)
Yes, this is exactly the questions I'm trying to sort out: what are the reasons we have for wanting to keep private things private? Are they good reasons? What is the value of being public? And how do we decide what's private, anyway?

What you said is the "social equilibrium" kind of reason -- you want to keep your sex life private, because, in the current world, the majority of people look with contempt at these who are open about such things, and some of these people decide who gets promoted and who gets fired, and they might unconsciously (or even consciously!) incorporate their contempt into their professional decisions. The choice between openness and career is forced on you only by the fact that openness is not the current equilibrium. Right?

I wonder, is that your only reason? If, say, 10 years from now, enough people will open their souls on the web that it will be considered absolutely normal to do so -- then you'd be OK with sharing such things?
(no subject) - joreth - Nov. 14th, 2008 02:19 am (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 1st, 2008 09:02 pm (UTC)
it's not that hard when you A) don't care what other people think and B) design your life to avoid having anyone who might use the information against you have the kind of power to actually use the information against you.

Family is easy enough - most family members don't want to know this kind of stuff, whether they are aware the journals and websites exist or not, and will tend to not read the juicy details even if they come across them.
Nov. 2nd, 2008 11:11 am (UTC)
By "use the information against you" you mean things like getting you fired or something. But for me, the fear is different... it's more about vulnerability. It's the fear of getting misunderstood, mainly.
It's not that you don't care what people think; you care about what some people think, but these people will understand correctly anyway, and those who might not - you don't care about. Is that it?
But that's not the whole picture either. There are things that neither you nor tacit write about -- intimate things like the details of a painful breakup. And I suspect that you don't write about these things for much of the same reasons that other people don't share details of their sex life. It's strange, isn't it? Some people will share the most painful, intimate details of their divorce, but they will say nothing about sex... and for some, it's the opposite. How do you decide what you feel comfortable sharing and what you don't? Have you ever tried to analyze the emotions involved, what they are based upon?

- Ola
Nov. 2nd, 2008 05:38 pm (UTC)
Actually, I did write about a painful breakup. I've written about several, the most notable was my Confronting The Monsters post, but there have been a few others. There isn't anything that I can think of that I'm not comfortable sharing. What gets the most "air time", if you will, is based on what matters most to me and what is taking my attention at the moment, not what's most "comfortable" to share. I talk about my family, my relationships, my work, TV shows I watch, politics, sex, religion, science, my favorite comic strips ... I think I don't talk about my cats very much online because 1) I don't think people much care and 2) they're boring cats. They don't do anything but sleep and eat and poop.

I haven't had any breakups in the last year or so, so I haven't written about any. I haven't had very much bad stuff happen lately either, so what makes it into my journal lately is just stuff that makes me angry because that is what is taking up my attention at the moment, what with all the political stuff going on and constantly getting harassed on dating sites. What I don't tend to write about is a hourly log of how I spend my time, mostly because it's not interesting. No one really wants to hear about my diet of TV dinners or that I slept in until 3 PM yesterday. But I will talk about it if it comes up in conversation and someone wants to know, it's just not at the forefront of my mind and I have other topics more important to me taking my attention to be writing journal entries about.

But I do write about breakups and intimate moments and things that have nothing to do with sex. When it happens and when it's something important. Not whether it's "comfortable" or not.

And I have seen tacit write about breakups too, but he has several thousand posts, so I wouldn't be surprised to hear that someone missed one or two.
Nov. 2nd, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC)
That was me - I'm on someone else's computer and forgot that I wasn't automatically logged in.
Re: Doh! - (Anonymous) - Nov. 3rd, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Doh! - joreth - Nov. 4th, 2008 01:27 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Doh! - (Anonymous) - Nov. 4th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Doh! - tacit - Nov. 4th, 2008 02:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Doh! - joreth - Nov. 4th, 2008 05:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Doh! - (Anonymous) - Nov. 7th, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Doh! - joreth - Nov. 14th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 3rd, 2008 07:58 pm (UTC)
I'm not quite sure I understand the questions, honestly. It really wouldn't occur to me to be bothered by the fact that anonymous people read this; presumably, they must have some interest in the subject, else they wouldn't be, right?

I don't think there's really anyone I dislike all that much, and even if there were, it seems strange to me to allow someone I dislike to control my decisions. If I were to change my behavior on account of what that person might or might not see, isn't that turning over personal power to that person?

The coworkers/bosses thing is, fortunately, not an issue for me. I'm part owner of the company I work for, and the majority partners are already aware of my nontraditional views of sex and relationships--they Googled me before they brought me on board. So that part's a non-issue, for me. I can understand why it's a potential issue for other folks, though, and I wouldn't presume to tell everyone else what to do or how open to be. (I do think that those of us who are in nontraditional relationships and are open about it actually do a service to those who are in nontraditional relationships but can't be open about it the more of us who are open, the harder it becomes for society to implement systematic discrimination against all of us. But that's a completely different issue altogether.)

The idea that friends might read it, and that would be a bad thing, also seems strange to me. A friend is someone you share your life with; what on earth is the point of having a friend you need to self-censor around? Doesn't that defeat the whole point of friendship?
Nov. 3rd, 2008 10:32 pm (UTC)
Right. Absolutely. Correct on every point. You helped me narrow down what is it exactly that screams "No! No! Don't do it!" in the back of my head, when I think about writing on certain topics. It's not about friends, and it's not about obnoxious people. Because, as you said -- friends will understand, and obnoxious people shouldn't be taken into consideration.

It's about potential friends. People whom I like and respect, but who still don't know me very well. People with whom I only hope to develop something, and I'm really afraid to screw it up. Then, communication is the key; but if I try to communicate while ignoring the accepted social norms of behavior, I will probably be misunderstood. It's like trying to speak while disagreeing on what some of the words should mean. Sure, it can work (that's how words change meaning) -- but usually it works in the long run while screwing you up in the short run. And not discussing certain topics in public is a social norm -- I can disagree with it and ignore it, but then I'll be misunderstood.

Damn, I can't go into details to explain it, because it's a public forum :-)
But I see my "monster" more clearly now; and definitely, some of my fears are irrational.
Nov. 4th, 2008 01:31 am (UTC)
I don't see the problem with "potential friends" either. If they're the type to run screaming when they hear something controversial about me, then I'm glad to find that out before I become too emotionally invested in them and it hurts when they leave.

I consider my blatent openness to be a great screening system for potential friends. If they can't take me as I am, if I have to "ease them into it" or pussyfoot around those topics that are the most meaningful to me (which, any topic I might be afraid of how they would respond are, pretty much by definition, meaningful), then I want to know that right up front.
Nov. 4th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC)
It's not that simple. You, for example: remember that argument you had with dancingguy about compliments? You explained to him yourself, very convincingly, how if someone gives you a compliment about your body, you'll just lose interest. You won't run screaming; you'll lose interest. You understand that not everyone who does this has to be an asshole; you understand that there is a chance that such a guy might, for example, be actually very familiar with the subject of objectification and all, only that he strongly disagrees with you, and he tries to reclaim the idea of admiring someone's beauty without implied disrespect. But it doesn't matter -- because you and him are never going to have that conversation, and you're never going to find out who he is and why he believes what he believes -- because you're going to filter him out and talk to someone else instead. And you would be right to do so, too -- because life is short and we use our time to talk to people we like -- and so, inevitably, some people will simply not get a second chance.

And that's exactly what other people do to us. They filter us out based on little information; therefore, communication in an early stage is much more problematic. You just can't afford to send wrong signals. You're probably thinking now "But how can I send wrong signals if I'm being brutally honest?!" but this is exactly the catch: you can. It took me long time to understand this -- I'm also brutally honest by nature. What is important is not what you say or do, but how the other person interpretes what you say or do. You can mean one thing, but they'll hear something totally different. And then they'll filter you out -- not by who you are, but by who you are not.

And the areas in which such communication problems are especially prone to arise are: violation of accepted social norms; and/or: complex issues. Important, personal topics are often complex -- in the sense they take long time to explain right, and if you don't have that time, then you'll explain them wrong, and the person will have a wrong picture of you. So, yes -- the best thing to do is to "pussyfoot" around these topics, until you trust that the person likes you enough to agree to refrain from judgement until you are both sure that he understood you correctly. And this is not likely to happen in the beginning of a relationship.

If by this point you stopped seeing how this relates to discussing intimate things on the Internet, I can explain :-)
(no subject) - joreth - Nov. 4th, 2008 05:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Nov. 7th, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - joreth - Nov. 7th, 2008 05:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 7th, 2008 03:31 pm (UTC)
t's about potential friends. People whom I like and respect, but who still don't know me very well. People with whom I only hope to develop something, and I'm really afraid to screw it up. Then, communication is the key; but if I try to communicate while ignoring the accepted social norms of behavior, I will probably be misunderstood.

Hmm. That's an interesting point, though one I seem to approach from the opposite end.

I am very selective about my friends. I want and value only friends who are freethinking, and openminded, who do not accept social norms simply because they are social norms, who understand non-traditional sex and relationships, that sort of thing.

By being open about my own non-traditional sexual and relationship life, I find that I tend to attract people with those qualities to me. The folks who see me, or read the things I write, and respond to those things, tend to be the folks who have the qualities I want and value in a friend. The more likely a person is to misunderstand or to be put off by these things, the less likely that person is to have these qualities.

Openness acts as its own filter; it's a mechanism for quickly finding those people who are most likely to be the kins of friends I want to have. I doubt, for example, that there are very many sexually repressive Evangelicals reading my blog, and that suits me fine.

But let's flip that on its head and look at the other side. Say you constrain your interaction with the world at large to what you believe the social norms o be, and let's say that other people also do the same thing. How will you recognize the folks that share your values and proclivities? They're busy conforming to their perceptions of social norms, too, right? If neither you nor your kinky neighbor ever works up the nerve to mention that you're kinky, how will you recognize one another?

How, for that matter, if everyone's hiding those things that they believe might violate perceived social norms, can you really even tell what the social norms ARE? If you have a group of 100 people, and 50 of them are kinky, but nobody talks about it and nobody even knows about it because all 50 of them are interacting with everyone else only according to the most conservatives of social norms, then how are those fifty people going to find each other, and what does the "social norm" even mean? In that thought experiment, half of the people are behaving in a way that doesn't express the reality of who they are; if they became more open, doesn't that mean that the "social norm" would change, by definition? Is it actually a social norm if it doesn't even reflect the values of a majority of the people to begin with?

One of the things that I've learned by being as open as I am is that kinky people are everywhere, Poly kinky BDSMers are, I think, far, far more common than everyone believes; it's just that you can't recognize a lot of 'em 'cause they're too busy trying not to be open. :)
Nov. 7th, 2008 05:49 pm (UTC)
As usual, you've stated what I was trying to say in a much more understandable manner.

The main point I was trying to get across was Openness acts as its own filter; it's a mechanism for quickly finding those people who are most likely to be the kins of friends I want to have. This is why it doesn't bother me to have people not like me based on what I say online. If they're bothered by my aggressive honesty, or by my kinkiness or polyness or my tomboyishness, or whatever, then they're not likely to want to be my friend, and they're not likely to be the kind of friend I want to have. So this weeds them out before I've had a chance to become so heavily invested in them that it actually does hurt when they leave.

Your other point is exactly why I believe all "alternative-lifestyle" people who can afford to be out, should be out. If no one is open about who they are, how will we ever find each other? And if no one knows that they're not the only one, how can we expect our society to change in the direction of being more accepting towards us?
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