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The hate for Internet Explorer, it burns!

Last night, I spent about a half an hour fixing some minor bugs in the interactive version of the Human Sex Map. Cleaned up the way the toolbar works when you scroll (so it doesn't jump all over the place in some browsers) and fixed a minor issue in Firefox where it sometimes moves the pins three pixels down from where they should be.

And then I tested it in Internet Explorer.

And it was totally, utterly, completely broken.

Goddamn festering, pustulant heap of rotting garbage pretending to be a Web browser anyway. I will never, for the life of me, understand why people use that decaying mound of rubbish when there are Web browsers that actually work correctly that you can download for free. Everything the Internet Explorer development team knows about Web standards would fit in the white space of a postage stamp. If these guys had any decency or self-respect, they'd all ritualistically disembowel themselves on Google's front lawn.

Words can not express my loathing, hatred, and contempt for that tottering mass of bugs and misfeatures that the folks in Redmond laughingly call a Web browser. It's a mad sick joke at the entire Internet's expense. So, I turn to a more visual communication medium:

It took me until six o'clock in the morning to code around all of Explorer's bizarre bugs and rendering issues. Longer, by nearly an order of magnitude, than it took to make that picture. So if you tried to use the Map at all yesterday, sorry 'bout that.


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 17th, 2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
Please tell me you have a patent or some way of keeping people from stealing this brilliance of yours!
I absolutely love it!
Jan. 28th, 2009 09:21 pm (UTC)
Heh. One of the rules of the Internet is that if it's anywhere on the Web, someone somewhere will steal it. And sometimes the results are pretty amusing; you should see some of the things that have been done with my Map of Human Sexuality!
Jan. 17th, 2009 10:28 pm (UTC)
What's even worse is some companies code their websites in such a way so that it ONLY works in IE. Whatever compels them to do that I'll never know.
Jan. 28th, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
Ugh. Yeah, and it drives me straight up the wall every time I see it. (I'm looking at you, Netflix!)
Jan. 17th, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
Microsoft moans.
As well as the mentioned problems, there's a bad trend in Microsoft programs to remove the familiar File and Edit toolbar and hide the commands in odd places around the program.

For example, the latest edition of MSN has an unmarked Show Menu button at the right-hand edge of the search bar. Their new designers should go back to C++ school.
Jan. 17th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)
given that chrome & opera are the most slick looking- do they require much prettyier computer agility than my old mac? ;)- I love how safari looks like a laid back guy & firefox is a nerd in a suit- not sure what thry meab though *lol*
Jan. 17th, 2009 11:30 pm (UTC)
The Safari guy is the "I'm a Mac" guy from the Mac v. PC commercials, which the Firefox guy is the "I'm a PC" guy from the same set of commercials.

Chrome is the new browser from Google. Right now, it's Windows-only, but by June or so they are supposed to have Mac and Linux versions. And yes, you'd need a spiffier computer than you have now. Like Firefox, it's free.

Opera is a commercial browser that's a significant competitor to Firefox. Firefox, Chrome, and Opera compete for the title of fastest, most standards compliant, etc. That Opera is somewhat popular, yet costs money where its competitors are free gives you some idea as to its quality. It's also the only one on this list I haven't used. However, it wil (theoretically) run on your machine. You might want to give it a try.
Jan. 17th, 2009 11:49 pm (UTC)
Essentially, if you design "smart" web sites you need to code everything twice; once for Internet Exploiter and once for everything else. Painful, huh?

And even those dumbshit companies that code to Microsoft-only-standards get screwed when Microsoft come out with a newer version that's broken-by-design in different ways. (cf all the screaming when IE7 came out)
Jan. 28th, 2009 09:24 pm (UTC)
Soon, you'll have to code THREE times! Once for Internet Explorer version 7 and earlier, once for Explorer 8, and once for everything else. Fun!

Microsoft supports Web standards the way a noose supports a hanged man.
Jan. 17th, 2009 11:51 pm (UTC)
I recall seeing someone say of IE: "If you were to install an Ethernet port on an Etch-A-Sketch, it would have better standards compliance than Internet Explorer."

(or something to that effect.)
Jan. 18th, 2009 12:17 am (UTC)
LoL That's brilliant.
Jan. 28th, 2009 10:29 pm (UTC)
BWAH! Like life, it is funny because it is true.
Jan. 18th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
LoL Tell people it doesn't work on IE and make them download Firefox. It'll be a twofer:

1. It will get them off IE
2. You'll be saving their souls.

Jan. 18th, 2009 12:29 am (UTC)
Welcome to my daily nightmare.
Jan. 18th, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
Hey now, why is Firefox the PC, establishment, Microsoft guy? Meh... I much prefer it to Safari... though I know that's that's the one that comes with Mac so it makes sense for it to be the Mac guy.
Jan. 28th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC)
Because let's face it: Firefox is the default for folks getting away from IE> As much as Firefox plays the rebel anti-establishment card, they're pretty much the mainstream of non-Explorer browsers.

And, like a business guy in a suit, they're competent and they get the job done. Firefox is not exacly sexy, and the internal API is so baroque as to be virtually indecipherable, but it does what it's supposed to do most of the time.

In a world without Explorer, Firefox would *be* the establishment.
Jan. 18th, 2009 09:04 am (UTC)
Just out of curiosity, have you tried Minefield yet? Have any thoughts? I consider myself, well fairly computer literate as in, its what I get paid to do .... but even just basic browser functions (refreshing when I go from one page to the next, filling in forms, etc) seem to be completely and utterly broken. I use to sing firefox's praises, but now .... since I was stupid enough to buy a laptop with a 64 bit OS on it, I just want to scream everytime I try to do anything web related on it.

I have two choices, use IE, that actually WORKS or use Minefield (firefox for 64 bit) that is a complete pile of crap. Meh.
Jan. 19th, 2009 06:26 am (UTC)
that photo is awesome. But where's "Flock?"
Jan. 28th, 2009 10:40 pm (UTC)
I didn't have space to list Flock or Minefield or iCab or Lynx or several other browsers it'd be fun to find representations for. I'm kind of thinking about doing a larger version that lists a lot more browsers. :)
Jan. 21st, 2009 12:39 am (UTC)
The one and only reason I continue to use IE (although I have safari on my iPod and firefox on the laptop) is because certain websites are coded to ONLY work in IE.

I harbor no illusions, IE is a piece of crap. But if I want to stream my Netflix straight to my computer, I have to use IE. It sucks.
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )