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Conversations With My Cat

Him: "OMG OMG so hungry food bowl is empty feed me!"
Me: (Stumbling sleepily to the kitchen) "Okay, okay."
Him: "Faster! Faster! So very hungry!"
Me: "Wait, what? You have food!"
Him: "Do not! Starving! Starving over here!"
Me: "Your food dish is half full!"
Him: "I'm sure I have no idea what you're referring to. Now feed me at once! Hungry!"
Me: "What is this? What do you call this, then? Because to me it looks like your dish is half full of food."
Him: "Is not! I'm starving here! Starving, I say! Feed me, you heartless bastard!"
Me: "Okay, okay! All right, already!" (Gets out bag of cat food)
Him: "Oh boy oh boy that's food! You're going to feed me! Faster, insolent human! Faster!"
Me: "All right! Calm down! Here you go!"
Him: "Om nom nom nom. This is good food! It's a good thing you fed me. I was about to starve! And it would have been on your head!"
Me: "You know, I just played a trick on you."
Him: "What's that you say? What are these words you are speaking to me, interrupting my breakfast?"
Me: "I just put three little bits of food in your bowl, to make you think I was filling it up."
Him: "Have you gone mad? Clearly this is not so. Look! My bowl is half full of food!"
Me: "Exactly my point. It was half full all along! I simply pretended to fill it, and now you're eating!"
Him: "Are you on medication? Because if you are, I don't think it's working. Plainly, as anyone can see, there is now food in my bowl. Now leave me, human, so that I may eat in peace!"



( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
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Mar. 20th, 2009 04:28 pm (UTC)
My cat and I had this exact same conversation yesterday morning.. how funny.
Mar. 20th, 2009 04:38 pm (UTC)
Me and my cat did too.

Also, the conversation where I move the food bowl less than a foot to the side (so it doesn't get in the way of people who like to do things like walk around my house) and my cat refuses to acknowledge that it exists. And tells me how STARVING she is and what a CRUEL AND HEARTLESS HUMAN I am for never feeding her.
(no subject) - fictional_slut - Mar. 22nd, 2009 02:40 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 20th, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC)
He has you well-trained.
Mar. 20th, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC)
I've totally had that conversation with our cats.
Mar. 20th, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC)
I one-uped this to just shaking his food bowl so it gets rearranged. That's enough to fool him now. Of course, his food bowl does have, "Psycho kitty - Qu'est que c'est?" written around the rim and little fish skeletons in the bowl. If I can see skeleton, he needs feeding. Otherwise it's just shake and snicker.
Mar. 20th, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
heeeeeeeee! i used to dump the half-full bowl back INto the bag and then re-fill the bowl..it's the SMELL they're after.
Mar. 20th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)
Mine are much more evil about this.

The Rep of the Cats: It's time.
Me: No, eat what's there.
The Rep: Pff, no! That's OOOOLLLD food.
Me: I just fed you two hours ago. It's fine.
The Rep: Okay. You'll regret this.

*15 minutes later, when I'm trying to eat a sandwich*
"horkHORK BORK!"
The Rep: Told you that you should have given us fresh food.
Mar. 20th, 2009 04:52 pm (UTC)
Ha! My cat's in the same union. ;-)
Mar. 20th, 2009 05:06 pm (UTC)
I think I've had this conversation with my cats, too...
Mar. 20th, 2009 05:30 pm (UTC)
That's hysterical. Kittehs rule the world. We humans just haven't accepted that fact yet.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 20th, 2009 07:12 pm (UTC)
They are working to develop...

Beware, for if they do ever develop this advanced technology the will no longer need us long-nosed smelly can-openers for anything anymore!
(Deleted comment)
Re: They are working to develop... - adric - Mar. 20th, 2009 07:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: They are working to develop... - polylizzy - Mar. 20th, 2009 11:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 20th, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
*laughs* This is a daily occurrence w/ my kitty - poor thing always says she is staaaaaaaaarvvving!
Mar. 20th, 2009 07:51 pm (UTC)
yep, and I have 5 of them.
Mar. 20th, 2009 09:38 pm (UTC)
I feed my fuzzy-butt twice a day, about a half cup each time.
He's figured out that if he eats all his food in the morning, he can whine to my fiance or roommate and get more food.

"See? Mom is horrible, she forgot to feed me this morning! Bowl is empty!"

They see the empty bowl and put more in. We did eventually figure out he's doing this so it's just funny now. But he totally put one over on them.

I just don't want him to get too fat, which he'd definitely do if left to his own devices.
Mar. 20th, 2009 10:24 pm (UTC)
Wow, I thought it was just my cat! But apparently it's a cat "thing."

It's really annoying when he's meowing at top volume at 3 a.m. and I think someone has forgotten to feed him and I get up and see that full bowl. Then I want to kill him.
Mar. 21st, 2009 03:42 am (UTC)
this is kind of how I imagined the last part of your conversation...

Mar. 21st, 2009 03:53 am (UTC)
ZOMG funny!
(no subject) - petite_lambda - Mar. 21st, 2009 01:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
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( 34 comments — Leave a comment )