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I know folks who'd fuck this light

Saturday, my roommate and I went to see the new X-Men movie.

This isn't a post about that movie, except to say horrible movie was horrible, it's boringly, tediously predictable, and Rorschach would have dropped him down an elevator shaft.

We got our tickets early, expecting a sell-out crowd (which never materialized; the theater was only about a quarter full), and then spent a little bit of time wandering around the tiny strip mall where the theater is located.

There's a kitchen and bath shop right next to the theater, and in the showroom they have the most amazing chandelier. And I mean that in the worst possible way.

It's a crappy picture, taken as it was through the window into a darkened store with my iPhone. Still, I think it gets the general idea across.

The chandelier is huge, and is made of an enormous lump of glass with long tentacles coming out of it. And, I want to add, each of those tentacles has a knob on the end of it. An oblong, rounded knob.

This is a lamp for people who really, really, really love their Japanese tentacle porn. This is a lamp that would, were it not chained down, be able to fuck half a dozen schoolgirls in every available orifice simultaneously, without breaking a sweat.

This is the lamp you'd see in the main foyer of a Japanese tentacle demon's house, assuming they had houses (which they don't) and used chandeliers (which they also don't). This lamp is not so much a source of illumination as it is a tribute to Legend of the Overfiend and La Blue Girl wrought in extruded glass and electricity. This lamp is the stuff of nightmares, or perhaps of erotic dreams if Hentai tentacoo wape is your thing. Merely sleeping under this lamp opens a doorway to Realms Beyond, filled with unspeakable horrors desiring to do unspeakable things to nubile flesh.

I think I want it.


( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
May. 4th, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
It looks like a Chihuly You should see some of his big stuff.
(no subject) - tacit - May. 4th, 2009 11:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wilson_lizard - May. 4th, 2009 11:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ashbet - May. 6th, 2009 12:20 am (UTC) - Expand
May. 4th, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
thanks to verizon
im reading this while waiting for the same movie to *start*. Im here for my hubbie the comic book geek, hugh jackman, and mindless explosions. My expectations are low. *g*
May. 4th, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC)
If it wasn't glass, I can see that being a wonderful (as in "being filled with wonder!") party favor!

May. 4th, 2009 11:24 pm (UTC)
Is it the same chandelier Count von Count would have?
May. 6th, 2009 04:02 am (UTC)
-rolls eyes-
(no subject) - zotmeister - May. 6th, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tacit - May. 6th, 2009 04:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 4th, 2009 11:39 pm (UTC)
I think even further win could be achieved by getting LED's of varying colours in the bulbous ends *nodnod*

Some frosting might not be amiss either :)
May. 4th, 2009 11:49 pm (UTC)
We've got a Chihuly in the entrance to the engineering school at UNO (University of Nebraska at Omaha) - Toreador Red, it's called. Every time I went to class, I thought about tentacles. These may or may not be connected, to be fair.

Edited at 2009-05-04 11:49 pm (UTC)
May. 5th, 2009 12:11 am (UTC)
I rather like tentacle porn, so I read this post and then type tentacle into google. Google so helpfully tries to finish your sentences, so up pops 'tentacle grape' as first choice. What's that? THIS is the first site that came up.

Mind you I didn't type in tentacle PORN, just tentacle. hehe

Apparently a whole new area I knew nothing of. Thanks google! Imagine a school kid studying octopi. wow.
May. 5th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
You know... I'm fairly sure I've seen a lamp like this at The Abbey in West Hollywood. Except it was much more colorful.
May. 5th, 2009 12:47 am (UTC)
Reminds me of this I saw hanging from the ceiling a the Victoria and Albert Museum.


Glass in beautiful sea colors... really cool.

(edited to just give the link cuz this pic is bigger than I thought it was)

Edited at 2009-05-05 12:49 am (UTC)
May. 5th, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
that is also a chihuli.

Dangit NOW i realize why I have loved his works for years.
(no subject) - fourth_moon - May. 5th, 2009 08:57 am (UTC) - Expand
May. 5th, 2009 01:15 am (UTC)
Well now, after the lovely way you described it, I want the chandelier too!
May. 5th, 2009 01:25 am (UTC)
I think I know just where it could go!

Oh! And liking it.. makes me want to finish learning enough glass to make one. Albeit, artistry like that will take years to master.
May. 5th, 2009 01:26 am (UTC)
Where could I purchase such a fabuuulous work of art? I must know!
May. 5th, 2009 01:50 am (UTC)
Well, it's still hanging in the kitchen and bath shop at Medlock Crossing in Atlanta, but better act quick--a priceless treasure like that is sure to be snapped up fast!
May. 5th, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
Oh man, I needed to laugh until I wheezed at something. Thanks. May I metaquote?
May. 5th, 2009 01:49 am (UTC)
Of course!
May. 5th, 2009 02:07 am (UTC)
I do so love your way with words.
And yes, that lamp is very...appropriate for you. :D
May. 5th, 2009 02:50 am (UTC)
In from metaquotes, you are full of win.
May. 5th, 2009 08:47 am (UTC)
I second that.
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( 33 comments — Leave a comment )