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Never have I ever...

The range of the human sexual condition is a whole lot wider than a lot of people realize. I've met folks who say things like 'I don't want to get too kinky too fast because I don't want to have done everything there is to do by the time I'm 30" and "I am open to anything," which I think grossly underestimate the amount of things there are to do.

Whenever someone asks on (most) public forums for wild and kinky sex ideas1, inevitably it seems like the answers that person gets fall into three broad categories: Partners, Places, and Positions. Have sex with more partners, have sex in unusual places, have sex in unusual positions.

Which is fun and all, but it still misses entire huge categories of sex.

Recently, though, someone on another journal flipped the question on its head by asking "what haven't you done." And again that's a way to show how narrow the common perception of sex is, because the majority of responses were perhaps two or three lines long--"I haven't had a threesome, I haven't had sex outdoors, I haven't had sex with the woman on top." That sort of thing.

I thought about it for a few minutes. The following list is what I came up with in ten minutes; I bet that another ten minutes would probably make it about twice as long.

Never have I ever...Collapse )

What haven't you done?

1 Okay, yes, forums other than the ones many of the folks who read this journal are likely to be on. Hush.



( 55 comments — Leave a comment )
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May. 17th, 2009 12:42 am (UTC)
I'm shocked that you haven't done some of those things!
May. 17th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
This entry gives me hope that I'll never have reason to be bored. The only real task is figuring out how to get my mind around all these myriad varieties of fun everybody else seems to be having.

Thanks for this. Thought-provoking entry as always.
May. 17th, 2009 02:01 am (UTC)
Suffice to say that my list of nevers is vast. For me at this point, to list the nevers is far too daunting. I'd rather just continue along the "ooh something new and shiny!" path.

Thoughout it, I absolutely love the fact that the more I learn, the more I catch a glimpse of the vast universe that I don't know.
May. 17th, 2009 02:21 am (UTC)
I just have to say that I like the way your brain works! Indeed, the vastness of human sexuality boggles the mind! :D
May. 17th, 2009 02:40 am (UTC)
"Engaged in cottaging."

Up here cottaging is something Canadians do every summer long weekend, and a few more besides. Usually with beer. And friends.

I take it 'cottaging' means something else?
May. 17th, 2009 05:07 am (UTC)
In the US and UK, "cottaging" is specifically looking for anonymous sex partners in public restrooms. There's supposedly a whole subculture around it, or so I'm told.
May. 17th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC)

I find sex under the influence of certain recreational drugs highly enjoyable and worth it, tho I've never tried poppers either
May. 19th, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
Actually, truth be told, I've never tried recreational drugs of any sort save for alcohol. To me, the risk/reward analysis doesn't seem worthwhile.
May. 17th, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC)
"I am open to anything," which I think grossly underestimate the amount of things there are to do.


And boy do you have to be aware of your audience when you answer someone that says something like that.

Funny story: I was at work one day and the topic of kink came up (as it does at my work), and some people were curious about it, some people had experience at it, and most of us were just teasing each other within the subject - it was a very lighthearted, fun, flirty conversation.

So one guy says "nah, I'm not into all that kinky shit. A little oral, maybe some anal, but that's it! Everything else is just too weird."

Having previously made comments earlier that indicated his heterosexuality and hinted at some borderling homophobia, I said: "You're into anal? Great! I've got my strap-on in the car!"

His jaw drapped, his eyes got wide, he literally back-peddled with his hands splayed out in front of him and said "no-no-no-no, that's not what I meant! I meant on her!"

I said "Oh, you didn't clarify that."

He spent the rest of the day keeping his distance and everyone else spent the rest of the day laughing at the trap he walked into.

The *really* funny part was that I was his boss that day and he had never met me before.
May. 19th, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
May. 17th, 2009 08:39 pm (UTC)
I have a very hard time with open-ended questions. When the list of options is infinite (or big enough that it might as well be infinite), my brain sort of gets overloaded and I can't come up with a single answer.

So I can't give a list of what I haven't ever done, I can go through someone else's list and say "yes" or "no" to certain things. Sometimes, those available options might remind me of something not on the list, and I can add that, but I can't just come up with my own list.

That being said, the list of what I haven't done is enormous and it'd probably be much easier to come up with what I *have* done ... especially if I narrow it down to just what's on your Never Have I Ever list :-)

Wanted to have sex with an animal or a child. - this only counts if you include post-pubescent teenagers but technically minors when I was a teenager too.

Had sexual contact, or wanted to have sexual contact, with another [wo]man. - I actively wanted to know what it was like to have sexual contact with another woman, and eventually I did get to try it out ... several times. I just decided that the physical female body doesn't do anything for me, but the energy of group sex that happens to include certain females whom I am close to emotionally is fun.

Engaged in puppy play, pony play, or other forms of animal role-play. - I haven't engaged in animal play, nor am I particularly interested in it, but I did briefly touch upon (and would like to play more with) a form of D/s play where the command structure and the interactions between us were sort of an anthropomorphic puppy play. In other words, I don't want to have sex with a dog, even a role-played dog, but I did have fun ordering my partner to fetch me a drink or sit and stay, and rewarding him for good behaviour with "good puppy" and a sexual favor. He wore a collar, but I didn't walk on all fours or pant or eat on the floor. It was more like he was this sweet, eager to please, willing to be ordered around, puppy-ish kind of guy. And I enjoyed that a lot more than I ever expected I would and I'd like to find a partner again with a similar dynamic.

Had sex on a train. - I made out on a light-rail train once.

Been suspended - for demo purposes only, but would *really* like to try having sex while suspended.

Used, or been whipped with, a singletail. - haven't done this yet, but I'm planning on attending the hands-on single-tail demo in a couple of weekends. I think, eventually, I will pick this kink up as the Top.

Crossdressed - I *do* cross-dress, and even had sex while cross-dressed (either way you look at it - whether you consider my usual attire of men's clothing "crossdressing" or you consider it crossdressing when I wear women's clothes, as I do), but the cross-dressing was never *part* of the sex or the scene. It was just what I happened to be wearing.

Cheated, or been cheated upon. - done the cheating on every bf before I heard the word "polyamory". Have never done it since (although some of my earlier relationships with non-poly guys who wanted to "try it out" might disagree, since they were fine with me being polyamorous ... until I had sex with someone else and then they got upset).

Seen a pornographic movie at a porn theater. - does one of those little porn booths at the back of seedy porn stores count?

Had sex in a church. - How about giving a blowjob behind the church during choir practice?

Had sex with a virgin. - ugh, too many of these! Never my favorite thing, now it's something I just won't do at all.

Had a sympathy fuck. - the majority of the sex with my 2nd fiance after the engagement (there's more than one reason I never ended up marrying him).

Had sex with a subordinate at work (though I have had sex with a superior at work). - both, and both while *at* work ... and both while *on the clock* at work. In fact, having sex with a co-worker of some kind while at work and on the clock is one of my most favorite kinks! Too bad most of my coworkers are losers.
May. 18th, 2009 01:15 am (UTC)
Lots of people are surprised that they have done things you haven't done. I have done some of the things on this list but that doesn't surprise me. No matter how kinky and experimental a person is, there is going to be a whole lot of stuff that simply doesn't appeal to them, or in some cases, opportunities just haven't presented themselves.

I'm very big on experiencing as many things as I can, and I have engaged in some sexual activities out of sheer curiosity more than actual sexual desire. But there are still a lot of places I won't go. In some cases due to my morality--such as having nonconsensual sex. In others it's a matter of visceral reactions--scat play squicks me out too much and I'd spend the entire time wondering if I'd die from e. coli, Breathplay triggers my massive claustrophobia and would probably land me in therapy.

I have tried a few things that didn't really turn me on much, however, because it was something my partner really enjoyed. I dated a guy who loved receiving anal sex, and I fucked him with a strap-on because it was his fantasy. I get no particular turn-on from men's asses, and I've never particularly desired to fuck anyone with a strapon. But I really enjoyed being the one to help him live out his fantasy, and watching him enjoy it. If I love someone, I'm willing to do a lot of things for them even if they don't get *me* off very much.

Anyway, interesting post and I will have to ponder it more.
May. 18th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
You've never played Spin the Bottle? What? Did you skip teenager-hood? Why, Spin the Bottle is swinging for virgins. Gosh, that's where I got my first French kiss.
May. 19th, 2009 03:07 am (UTC)
I know! When I was a teenager, I didn't have a social group that would even have fathomed such a thing is possible.

Now, as a grownup, I invent sex games...and I've still never played Spin the Bottle.
May. 18th, 2009 10:53 pm (UTC)
Top 25 "Most Disturbing Sex Toys" - I read through this and my reactions ranged from "huh, that's kinda neat" to "that's hilarious!" to "eh, I've seen it, but it's not really my kink."

Not a single disturbing item among them.

I keep thinking I'm vanilla because I'm not "lifestyle" and I only have a handful of kinks that might freak the mundanes ... then I discover just how kinky I am when I see a muggle reaction to kink like this one where they think this kind of stuff is "disturbing".
May. 20th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
I have never:

  • had sex.

But I have had hair jobs.
- ZM
May. 26th, 2009 05:01 pm (UTC)
My buddy Nico was setting up a dungeon space one time & a woman walked up & said "Please sir, I hear you're the best & I want you to dominate me... I'll do ANYTHING, I don't have any limits!"

He said "REALLY??" and grabbed one of the boards he was using, a hammer, and some long nails & said "Slap your tits on this, I've always wanted to nail a set to a board."

All of a sudden she had limits.
May. 28th, 2009 10:26 pm (UTC)
Now post all the ones you want to try!
May. 29th, 2009 06:13 pm (UTC)
Of the things on the list, the ones I'd most be interested in trying are:

Having an orgasm at a sex club or play party, Having sex with more than three women simultaneously (I have more than three partners, but they're all long distance), Being suspended, Playing spin the bottle (just because it seems a bit absurd that I've never done it), Being restrained with a straitjacket (I'm curious about what it feels like), Having sex on an inversion table, Owning a steam-powered fucking machine (something I've wanted for a very long time!), Write a sex book (if and when I ever get time), Make my own flogger (I'd love to learn that skill), and Use a rack or a Catherine's wheel (or both!).

Some of the things on the list might be hot under the right circumstances (such as anonymous sex or sex with a partner I meet at a play party), though I tend to get attached to my lovers, so there are potentially issues there.

Some of the things that sound hot, like sex on a plane, just strike me as profoundly cramped and uncomfortable, at least if we're talking about an ordinary commercial airliner here. Sex in a church really doesn't interest me, but then church itself doesn't interest me, and I don't get any sort of charge from forbidden or taboo acts, so...meh, whatever. One building's pretty much like another as far as that goes.
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