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Secondary relationships

In polyamorous circles, there are many people who want only "secondary" relationships outside of their existing "primary" relationship.

However, the term "secondary" is confusing and often means different things to different people. In the interests of helping clarify some of that confusion, my friend Edward recently proposed a short questionnaire that might be useful to help get everyone on the same page about what exactly is meant by the term "secondary." I've taken his idea and turned it into a handy 3x5 index card, which you can print out and hand to prospective suitors. You can even download a PDF version of the card here.



Comments

( 79 comments — Leave a comment )
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said_wednesday
Jan. 26th, 2011 11:01 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I can see this as a helpful tool! I can see where you would mark it as humorous too. Seeing how long it has been since you've actually been single. Being a single poly person, even in "non-hierarchical relationships" it isn't uncommon to be treated like this. Even after the other person has sworn they wouldn't treat you like this.
kindredsgirl
Jan. 27th, 2011 06:52 pm (UTC)
Yes. . . I had this same reaction. It's funny in a dark way, but in real life, it's oh so sad.

(no subject) - lightcastle - Jan. 27th, 2011 08:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
dacianfalx
Jan. 26th, 2011 11:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks for making this...I might find myself using it, in the future. :-)
(Deleted comment)
mcfnord
Jan. 27th, 2011 04:42 am (UTC)
i knew it was you!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - mcfnord - Jan. 27th, 2011 04:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - datan0de - Jan. 28th, 2011 01:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
Ahhh! - brandyeileen - Nov. 4th, 2016 10:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
cortejo
Jan. 26th, 2011 11:06 pm (UTC)
I was looking for an LJ poll idea..

http://www.livejournal.com/poll/?id=1672910
tacit
Jan. 26th, 2011 11:42 pm (UTC)
*snerk* Now THAT is funny.
(no subject) - cortejo - Jan. 26th, 2011 11:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
sophocles
Jan. 26th, 2011 11:15 pm (UTC)
That's brilliant
(Deleted comment)
quaryn_dk
Jan. 30th, 2011 05:41 pm (UTC)
Way better than having kids! ;)
rowanf
Jan. 26th, 2011 11:34 pm (UTC)
Wow. I am so glad my relationships don't run like that. Seeing this makes me sad.
pingback_bot
Jan. 26th, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
links: medical history is often HORRIBLE. And, YMMV, lets remember...
User terriaminute referenced to your post from links: medical history is often HORRIBLE. And, YMMV, lets remember... saying: [...] for anyone who takes him utterly seriously at all times): http://tacit.livejournal.com/346761.html [...]
mslorelei
Jan. 27th, 2011 12:01 am (UTC)
I have to link to this. Brilliant.
mslorelei
Jan. 27th, 2011 03:57 am (UTC)
Here's the link. I've come up with a few more.
trinker
Jan. 27th, 2011 12:04 am (UTC)
Nice. Might have helped if I had that, once.
polylizzy
Jan. 27th, 2011 02:31 am (UTC)
me too, on a few of those times *sigh*
sabrarosa
Jan. 27th, 2011 12:33 am (UTC)
Oh this is perfect. :D
blazingrowan
Jan. 27th, 2011 12:34 am (UTC)
Oh, you crazy poly people. *laughs* - nice one, hon. :D
(Anonymous)
Jan. 27th, 2011 12:35 am (UTC)
this seems like a lot of primary relationships.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - quaryn_dk - Jan. 30th, 2011 05:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - madpiratebippy - Feb. 3rd, 2011 03:31 am (UTC) - Expand
petemosq
Jan. 27th, 2011 12:36 am (UTC)
Oh dear this was priceless. ;)
emeraldliz
Jan. 27th, 2011 03:50 pm (UTC)
Followed you here, love this! It's so sad and true. I definitely agree banishing the "primary/secondary" language would be a good step to helping people understand that relationships are still relationships and not to pretend they aren't disposable when they treat them as such.
Secondary != disposable - (Anonymous) - Jan. 28th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
pingback_bot
Jan. 27th, 2011 01:02 am (UTC)
Have my Card!
User petemosq referenced to your post from Have my Card! saying: [...] them out in the light where we can laugh at them. The latest being the Secondary Relationship Card [...]
petemosq
Jan. 27th, 2011 02:34 am (UTC)
Re: Have my Card!
As you can see I linked you back. Scary robot dude! :)
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( 79 comments — Leave a comment )