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The Mathematics of Sex Toys, Revisited

Quite some time ago, I wrote a post about the Most Annoying Sex Toy Ever, a hypothetical wearable vibrator that would run in an irregular pattern that the wearer could never get used to, but which also would not get the wearer off.

Lately I've been playing with an Arduino programmable board, and I've come one step closer to achieving that goal! This is a prototype of an annoying vibrator that's intended to frustrate the user but not get the user off. I'll post more about it later, but for now here's a teaser.

Interestingly, someone else who's read my previous post has written an Arduino program to do sine wave mixing the way I talked about in my earlier post, though the Arduino software I've written works a bit differently. The software I've written delays for a random time between 15 seconds and a minute and a half, then randomly chooses a pattern to run the vibe in. Each pattern has random variability baked into it, so whoever is wearing it can't identify the pattern when it starts.

Once the prototype is tested and made more portable (it doesn't have to be tethered to the laptop to work, just to upload the software to the Arduino board), I'll probably be posting schematics and software. Stay tuned!

I really, really love being me.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 10th, 2011 02:04 am (UTC)
Having gone back and read your earlier post, I now wonder if I had half-remembered it when I started thinking, some months ago, "Okay, I have a vibrator with multiple patterns (the Technobeat). What I want is a vibrator with multiple patterns *and* an option to randomly cycle through them."
May. 10th, 2011 02:46 am (UTC)
Are you going to do anything combining this with your EEG research?
May. 10th, 2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
I am! That's ultimately one of the goals of this project.

I like the idea of interfacing sex toys with an Arduino that can be programmed for a lot of different things. Adding a programmable brain and sensors to sex toys opens the door to all kinds of cool stuff, I think. The Tormenter project is a proof of concept, but the door is open to sex toys that respond to pressure, temperature, sound, wifi, Bluetooth, brainwaves, motion, light...you name it!

What I will probably end up doing at some point is putting plans, schematics, and software on one of my Web sites.
May. 11th, 2011 01:55 am (UTC)

that sounds more likely to work than to not-work. the toys i've had which didn't get the job done were ones that didn't vary.
May. 17th, 2011 04:43 am (UTC)
My current project is a wireless egg vibrator with computer/internet interface allowing me to turn my wife the vibrator on from a web page using my smart phones web browser.
May. 19th, 2011 05:36 am (UTC)
I don't know you, but I hate you. :P
May. 24th, 2011 04:03 am (UTC)
I forget the specifics of it, but in Outliers, Gladwell discussed why the Chinese numerical makes it easier to learn basic math, giving Chinese children an advantage in learning it. It's sort of the same kind of thing.
May. 24th, 2011 04:03 am (UTC)
... you know, that totally got posted to the wrong thread. That was supposed to go to the one about memorizing numbers and/or shapes.
May. 26th, 2011 09:16 pm (UTC)
There's some interesting research that it has more to do with the length of the word used in basic math and counting. Kids seem to pick up monosyllabic math words/concepts/functions much quicker.
May. 26th, 2011 11:42 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I remember that being mentioned in the book. I'd love to see more detailed research on it, though.
Jun. 7th, 2011 01:05 am (UTC)
User lapis_lazuli referenced to your post from Vroom! saying: [...] if you also follow , he's been working for a while on developing the most annoying sex toy ever [...]
Jun. 18th, 2011 09:48 pm (UTC)
Computer-controlled electro toy
I have been also trying to implement self-made electro toys (though I'm male - i had the electrodes on my dick). I connected it to audio amp (with transformer, so no direct electrical connection to AC220V). As the wave generator, I used a software VST instrument "Massive" with Ableton. This is a great selection of generators, LFO's, filters and another effects - but I used to hear them, not to feel them on my dick. A midi controller was a nice add-on, cause I had faders and knobs to control the waves. Damn i quickly discovered which settings got me pain, which aroused, which stimulated - bringing me to the heavenly good orgasm :)
But I never repeated it - I'm in fear of connecting to AC-powered stuff. However, an amp with a laptop seems much safer...
I think I still have somewhere on my disks the Ableton project, will be interesting to hear what kind of sounds caused so much pleasure :)
Mar. 23rd, 2012 10:20 pm (UTC)
I'd buy it!
Clever stuff!

I've been reading up on programmable vibrators but they are few and far between, the "Je Joue" is semi-programmable but it's a gimmicky design and very expensive, the only other serious attempt at a programmable vibrator I've seen is the Drmn Trance V2 which is based on the old Rez vibrator (PlayStation accessory) but I'm not sure the guy who makes them sells them anymore.

I wish I knew how to build one of those things but I wouldn't have the patience and I don't have a clue about electronics.

Mar. 23rd, 2012 10:35 pm (UTC)
Re: I'd buy it!
I think there's a market for a well-designed programmable vibrator. If I knew how to go about finding venture capital, it's definitely something I'd pursue. last time I tried making something like this for sale, though, I lost a ton of money.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )