Franklin Veaux (tacit) wrote,
Franklin Veaux
tacit

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Benchmarks for Good Relationships

On another forum I read, the subject of how to tell whether or not a relationship is a good one--benchmarks, if you will, for positive, vibrant relationships--was raised.

I put some thought to the question of creating benchmarks for good relationships, and came up with this set:

1. Am I striving to treat others with compassion, even when it's hard? Am I being treated with compassion?

2. Does this relationship offer me the opportunity to grow and develop in the way that feeds me and makes me happy? Does it offer the same opportunities to all the other people involved?

3. Am I moving with courage in this relationship? Are the people around me moving with courage?

4. Does this relationship help me to be the best possible version of myself? When I look around at the other folks involved, do I see the best of them?

5. Can I say whatever I need to say, whenever I need to say it, and have a reasonable expectation that I will be heard and understood? Am I creating an environment where everyone else can tell me what they need to say, even if it's something I don't want to hear, and I will hear it?

6. Is this relationship fair to everyone concerned? Not "fair" as in "everyone gets the same thing," but "fair" in that "everyone has a hand in the relationship, everyone's voice can be heard, and everyone has the ability to help build the things that make their parts of it happy and healthy."

7. Does this relationship give all the people involved the opportunity and support they need to pursue their joy?


This is a first stab at the question of defining benchmarks for good relationships. I think there might be some things I'm missing. Opinions? What would a list of benchmarks for healthy relationships look like to you?
Tags: polyamory, relationships
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