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Breaking up is hard to do...

In the midst of our push to finish the polyamory book More Than Two, we've paused just long enough to blog about a backer's question, "What are some strategies for successfully “de-escalating” relationships, say from romantic or sexual to friendships?" (Yes, that's right, we stopped writing about polyamory to...write about polyamory.)

Here's the teaser:

Franklin: Shortly after I moved to Portland, I started a relationship with a woman who was a partner of a good friend of mine. She and I were romantically involved for perhaps six months when she decided we really weren’t terribly compatible as romantic partners. She took me aside one day and expressed that she didn’t want a romantic relationship, clearly and directly. I told her that I was completely in love with her, and that meant I wanted whatever made her most happy–if that was a friendship that wasn’t a romantic relationship, then that’s what we would have.

I think she was a little surprised; she expected a much worse response. We are still close friends, and still very fond of each other.

Eve: So it sounds like you’re saying that you think the key–or at least an important first step–in backing away from a romance to friendship is clear, open communication about what you want? I would agree; I think the compassionate and ethical thing to do is to talk to your partner openly about how you want the relationship to change. I have been in situations where a partner has tried to cool off the relationship passively, by becoming unresponsive or backing away. That’s a painful thing to experience.

You can read the rest of the blog post here. As always, feel free to reply here or over there.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 9th, 2014 04:42 am (UTC)
The link is broken. Thanks.
Mar. 9th, 2014 04:51 am (UTC)
Sorry about that. Fixed now!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )